somebody, Please Talk Sense into My Stupid Head. I Think I'm Getting Ready to Fuck Up

[Rhondazvous]

I’m really falling in like with this guy, but two little things make me wonder if I should.

At first, I thought he was gay. It was just a first impression. I was half raised by gay teenagers, so certain little gestures give me that impression.

I thought I was sure he’s gay when he started playing with his pony tail. Yes, he’s white and his ponytail hangs down to the small of his back and he was playing with it in a very effeminate way.

At first, I didn’t care if he’s gay. I enjoyed t talking to him and we were getting along like old pals.

Then he came to visit me and brought his guitar. The man’s voice does things to a song that mere sound has no business doing. He played some songs for me that he had written and made up some chords for a song I had written.

So, I’m starting to like him, and he definitely likes me. I wonder about this and in the context of the conversation I ask him if he’s strictly hetero. He said yes.

Anyway, to make a long story short, this led to that and that led to this and the next thing I know he’s massaging my back. His hands go here and there as a man’s hands will do, and I’m responding to this and next thing …

Well anyway he had his hand on the latch to the door of no return when I remember that I hardly know him and really don’t want to have sex with him. I mean I’m not even remembering that I had thought he was gay, just that I didn’t know enough about him to go there with him.

I’m scared because I feel like next time he touches me I won’t stop, not when we both know neither of us wants to stop. But there’s another reason I think I can’t have a relationship with him. My boy is as sharp as a bowling ball when it comes to legal matters. He was evicted from his apartment because this fundamentalist chick started going around talking about he had assaulted her. I believe him when he says it’s a lie because my body had responded to him and a man with less character would have just said she wants it, so fuck it. But he’d seen how conflicted I was, and he’d respected that.

Problem is he’s talking about representing himself in court to sue the chick and his landlord. He’s going to pass out flyers with his name and phone number offering a thousand dollars to anyone who will testify against the chick.

How can I discourage him from doing this? How can I let myself get involved with a man who’s getting ready to fuck up a life that is already whack? How can I walk away from a man who says I’m the only person in town who he can talk to?