Anxious, since yesterday afternoon or so.
Anxiety is a pretty reliable bellwether that a manic episode is on the horizon. I also had other reasons to feel I was starting to get hypomanic - which feels pretty good in the early stages, not so much in the later ones.
I was uncharacteristically cross with Kitty when she got home from her evening shift (irritability is another one of my bellwethers for a manic episode). It's hard to explain but I was and am definitely on an upschwong to a manic episode. If I can keep a lid on it, great, nothing like mania to help in the getting-shit-done category - if you can avoid the shit-filled baggage that comes along with it.
Couldn't sleep for shit, finally took an Ativan at 2am and got maybe two-three hours of bad sleep. I've been sleeping so poorly / inconsistently lately that my recollection of the passage of time on week scales doesn't seem very trustworthy.
I've made dozens of attempts to try and journal so I can keep track of such things, but it's not something I am good at following through on.
What bugs me is that I can't identify the direct cause of my anxiety. I suppose it could be fallout from grief over losing Dashiell on the 25th. Don't know.
It's a little disconcerting because it's the most significant / longest duration anxiety I have felt since I was hospitalized for it last December. It's nowhere near as intense, thankfully, and I'm going to try and treat it and not worry about it for a change.
Anxiety is a pretty reliable bellwether that a manic episode is on the horizon. I also had other reasons to feel I was starting to get hypomanic - which feels pretty good in the early stages, not so much in the later ones.
I was uncharacteristically cross with Kitty when she got home from her evening shift (irritability is another one of my bellwethers for a manic episode). It's hard to explain but I was and am definitely on an upschwong to a manic episode. If I can keep a lid on it, great, nothing like mania to help in the getting-shit-done category - if you can avoid the shit-filled baggage that comes along with it.
Couldn't sleep for shit, finally took an Ativan at 2am and got maybe two-three hours of bad sleep. I've been sleeping so poorly / inconsistently lately that my recollection of the passage of time on week scales doesn't seem very trustworthy.
I've made dozens of attempts to try and journal so I can keep track of such things, but it's not something I am good at following through on.
What bugs me is that I can't identify the direct cause of my anxiety. I suppose it could be fallout from grief over losing Dashiell on the 25th. Don't know.
It's a little disconcerting because it's the most significant / longest duration anxiety I have felt since I was hospitalized for it last December. It's nowhere near as intense, thankfully, and I'm going to try and treat it and not worry about it for a change.