Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[emjay]

Thanks Gemini, that's very kind of you

I was supposed to be taking a break from the forum but I seem to be in an awkward limbo between that and being here. I just don't have the energy or the comprehension to be fully involved here any more. My mind feels incapable of understanding the simplest of topics and I have no energy for long conversations. So I've basically become much more of a lurker, and when I do post it's simple posts here or there and usually just opinions stated without the expectation of replies - ie (s)hit and runs. I just do not feel capable any more of doing much more than that, but with that state of limbo, of one foot in and one out the door, I feel like I'm maybe hurting my friends. That it would be better all round if I just left completely rather than being someone so sporadic in appearance... someone they can't rely on because of that.

*hugs*

Come here for support then. You don't have to post a lot or have long conversations. Those are fun when you're in the mood for it, but you shouldn't feel obligated to be that way all the time.

I like you, and I think everyone understands that stuff comes up and sometimes you're gonna be sporadic. It's okay. Take that pressure off yourself and hopefully you'll feel better 

Hugs to you too thanks for the thought... and it is a nice thought... but it's not that simple for me; when the going gets tough I don't look outwards for support, I retreat inwards, away from people. I'm an introvert and introspective by nature so when I have problems I try to work on myself... that's why the Buddhism appeals so much. I thought me becoming more detached wasn't going to hurt anyone but I'm not so sure now... for the reasons I said before... that I'm becoming basically less reliable... that I'm more distant and aloof. But I firmly believe I can't deal without fixing myself at source... not trying to control my environment but learning to accept it. And I feel I can only do that alone... so it feels that talking and debating is a distraction from the only way I personally deal with things. So that's why I need(ed) a break... to get my thoughts in order.