CIJS
In the last couple of weeks I've been yelled at, thrown stuff at, pushed, choked, followed, shut down. One year worth of text messages were printed (I had no idea Verizon backup worked this way, stupid me) and thrown at me in my kitchen. I finally explain to a friend what's going on, and he doesn't understand why I still went through with poetry night, or how I'm being "normal".
This isn't normal. To be literally trembling at night, afraid to call the police, afraid not to, feeling fear mixed with "I feel bad for this person"... this is not normal. To get up and go to work and make my usual jokes like my wall was not just crashed into because I didn't open the door, not normal. To go to my usual spot, have a beer, cry, and laugh at the same time trying to pretend I'm not noticing that I'm fucking crying again... not normal. To realize I left you a YEAR ago and tried leaving you (left you, on and off) for three or four years before that, yet this continues... not fucking normal. That my dad had to drive into town from out of state and basically guard my house all week... not normal at all.
Poetry night was a success. I named it "Naked on a Poetry Night" and it was a no censorship event. People shared raw material and it was great. I introduced each poet all the while looking at the back to make sure you didn't somehow get in.
My poem "Familiar Corpses"... I do wish you had heard it, though. My poem "Letter of Resignation", I wish you heard it. Heh. Knowing you, you probably did. There's court on Monday. Things are finally being taken care of. Letting my people take over is the best thing I could have done. As I lay there like a corpse that can see, I feel like I'm watching the story unfold and the mystery solved all while I just lay there. I'm thinking wow! They found the clues! Maybe I could have lived just a little longer if I had let them in sooner. This is almost over for good and it feels like the storm is at its worst, but it's about to end forever. How do you live when everything is in fact normal? I don't remember. I don't remember.
Cijs? To my friends that stuck by me through thick and thin, that held on to me even when I gave up on myself, who probably got tired of watching me run in place, yet here you are... I will never forget what you have done. Real life friends, and also those I never met in person. I fucking love you!
In the last couple of weeks I've been yelled at, thrown stuff at, pushed, choked, followed, shut down. One year worth of text messages were printed (I had no idea Verizon backup worked this way, stupid me) and thrown at me in my kitchen. I finally explain to a friend what's going on, and he doesn't understand why I still went through with poetry night, or how I'm being "normal".
This isn't normal. To be literally trembling at night, afraid to call the police, afraid not to, feeling fear mixed with "I feel bad for this person"... this is not normal. To get up and go to work and make my usual jokes like my wall was not just crashed into because I didn't open the door, not normal. To go to my usual spot, have a beer, cry, and laugh at the same time trying to pretend I'm not noticing that I'm fucking crying again... not normal. To realize I left you a YEAR ago and tried leaving you (left you, on and off) for three or four years before that, yet this continues... not fucking normal. That my dad had to drive into town from out of state and basically guard my house all week... not normal at all.
Poetry night was a success. I named it "Naked on a Poetry Night" and it was a no censorship event. People shared raw material and it was great. I introduced each poet all the while looking at the back to make sure you didn't somehow get in.
My poem "Familiar Corpses"... I do wish you had heard it, though. My poem "Letter of Resignation", I wish you heard it. Heh. Knowing you, you probably did. There's court on Monday. Things are finally being taken care of. Letting my people take over is the best thing I could have done. As I lay there like a corpse that can see, I feel like I'm watching the story unfold and the mystery solved all while I just lay there. I'm thinking wow! They found the clues! Maybe I could have lived just a little longer if I had let them in sooner. This is almost over for good and it feels like the storm is at its worst, but it's about to end forever. How do you live when everything is in fact normal? I don't remember. I don't remember.
Cijs? To my friends that stuck by me through thick and thin, that held on to me even when I gave up on myself, who probably got tired of watching me run in place, yet here you are... I will never forget what you have done. Real life friends, and also those I never met in person. I fucking love you!
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
