Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Shell B]

Consciously purposely thinking thoughts rather than observing thoughts is the opposite of mindfulness.

I think this is where you are getting hung up. It is not the opposite of mindfulness. Mindlessness would be, by definition, the opposite. Consciously thinking, "That leaf is green." is mindfulness. Consciously thinking, "I just had a thought." is mindfulness. I don't know where you got this idea that mindfulness means not thinking on purpose, but it's wrong.

Basically: Mindfully being aware of our automatic thoughts has to be as automatic as those thoughts themselves.

No way, Jose. You're making it harder than it is. Try less.

The negative thought itself is the judgement.

Is not. It's just a thought. That it came automatically means it has no judgment at all. It's just there, negative or positive.

And does it always work?

Of course not.

I'm sure there are many times when I have been aware of my negative and positive thoughts and they've still remained negative and positive.

Mindfulness isn't trying to change your thought from negative to positive or even negative to neutral. You're hung up on these ideas that have nothing to do with the practice.

Why would I want to be aware of my judgements if it didn't achieve anything? If all it is is me being aware of them, it doesn't make them any less judgemental.

You brought up being aware of your judgments. If you don't want to be aware of them, then don't be. Pay attention to the way the floor feels beneath your butt or the feeling of your breath coming in and out of your body instead.

Or think they have.

That's a little derisive. Just because you haven't figured it out (or have attributed too many things to mindfulness that aren't mindfulness) doesn't mean that people haven't had success with it.

Does being aware of our judgements actually have any effect or is it a common illusion that makes mindfulness popular?

It does have an effect, if you learn not to react to it. If you think having judgments makes it a failure, you'll never get anywhere. If you think it's an "illusion," then you obviously haven't gotten anywhere with it. It's not some complicated thing. It's simply paying attention in a different way. It won't cure your depression. It won't cure your anxiety. It won't make you smarter, healthier, stronger or anything like that. If that's what you seek, you're already "doing it wrong." You're attached to having it make you feel better. Try reading Buddha's Brain. It's about the neuroscience behind mindfulness meditation. It's a good read.

I mean, let's grant the premise that being aware of our judgements helps them disappear. There are still two problems:

That's not the premise. It's not the premise at all, so

If we can't control our mind then we can't control our reactions to the natural nuances of our mind. The 'we' that supposedly does the controlling is our mind.

Let me break it down for you. You can't control automatic thoughts, but not all of your thoughts are automatic. You can learn to redirect your thoughts. It doesn't work all the time because people aren't perfect.

Or rather, letting ago the effortful attempt to control. We have no control to let go of. I've known a while now that controlling my thoughts is a futile exercise. I'm like a sail boat. My mind drifts. Either I catch myself or I don't. Either I observe my judgements or I don't. It's been this way since I was born. The only difference is that up until a few years ago I believed I controlled my mind more and my mind strained in attempting to control itself when it could not.

You're right. You can't control everything you think. Mindfulness doesn't attempt to do that.

But those thoughts themselves are judgements. When I appear to be observing the judgements without judgement that's just me changing from observing an internal or external experience judgementally to observing an internal or external experience non-judgementally.

Yeah. Do that.

I can practice it in the sense that I can make it into a habit.... but it won't prevent judgements from coming.

That's not the point. People who practice mindfulness know that it won't prevent negative thoughts.

I don't think it actually achieves anything but intensify my O.C.D. further. I feel like there is a such thing as being too mindful. I think ignoring my thoughts causes me a great deal more pleasure and happiness than the years I spent paying attention to them.

You're focusing way too much on thoughts. A common mindfulness practice is paying attention to the sensations when you're eating. Another is to hold an ice cube. No one is trying to analyze their thoughts and pay a ton of attention to them. The idea is to kind of wave at them mentally as they go by.

To me that's just the fact that sometimes we have a negative response, sometimes we have a positive response and sometimes we have a neutral response.

Or sometimes you have a negative response and you don't get caught up in it because you've learned not to.

Well it certainly seems that way to a lot of people. I'd say that's just observing a non-negative thought without reacting with a negative thought.

You can think whatever you want.

All my compulsions are mental too. Ignoring my thoughts by distracting myself from them helps their frequency and intensity decrease. Being mindful of them just gives them attention and makes them grow more.

It's important that you be diagnosed before you attribute things to compulsions. If I remember correctly, you haven't been formally diagnosed. A ton of depression and general anxiety symptoms mimic OCD. The right medication could certainly work far more than mindfulness. Again, just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean that it doesn't actually work for other people. Dismissing it as hokum because you haven't figured it out isn't fair.

I might experiment with being aware of my thoughts more often. But it does almost immediately make me miserable through a lack of joy.

Try being more aware of a puppy or something. It's less complicated.

I think being more mindful is a habit I can develop that has both good and bad aspects (Or at least the illusion of it. I'm not sure being aware of one's thoughts actually has any effect on them). In my own experience my positive emotions outweigh my bad ones so allowing myself to wander and get carried away brings me more good than bad overall. I think one of the reasons I was depressed for so many years was I was too self-aware, lol. Being less mindful, ironically, seems to have helped me more than anything.

You're describing mindfulness, I think. Getting carried away in the moment is mindfulness. Not getting lost in your thoughts is mindfulness. Mindfulness isn't observing the shit out of your thoughts. It's being in the here and now without time traveling mentally and only acknowledging thoughts a bit as they float by. Every time you talk about mindfulness, it sounds like compulsive worrying and analyzing thoughts. I don't know how you came to believe that mindfulness was engaging with your thoughts, but it ain't!  

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Try checking out some texts about radical acceptance. It might help you.