The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[ignoramus]

Min, I'll even supply the 2 bob needed to put over your eyes to pay the ferryman when that day comes! Just put a good word in for me wherever you go.
Not really sure where you're going, but there's a good chance I'll in the same place as you Hopefully, it's full of cats and dogs only!

[Catholic_Lady]

I’m more concerned with how saying people who are sick can’t help themselves makes us all look like uncontrollable heathens. It’s not cool. Stigma needs to chill.

My concern is simply that Aspergers often involves, and certainly does in Hammy's case, perceiving the world differently; in a black and white, literal way... a world of strict rules and definitions... rather than the grey areas inbetween that everyone else takes for granted. In other words, insensitivity to context. And that's not going to change with any amount of therapy (I think); that's just the way some people are wired. So since that will and does inevitably lead to a lot of misunderstandings with people who do see grey areas, all I'm saying is I understand why he gets frustrated and angry.

How he then deals with that frustration and anger is a separate issue... something that can be changed... with anger management, mindfulness etc... and that's on him and his responsibility. But I'm just saying I understand the underlying reasons for that anger, and they've probably been an issue all his life.

In my opinion, what happened with you... basically a rage quit... was just the straw that broke the camel's back... with anger and frustration... and maybe also paranoia... building up from the incident with kimbyrle... or even before. And the thing about straws that break camel's backs is that they tend to come from very little things or misunderstandings, as seems to have happened in this case.

I know some people think I'm enabling him but I don't see it like that. I just understand that frustration he feels and couldn't undo that understanding even if I wanted to. I just want to help him deal better with that frustration and adapt better to the grey areas of life, and from my own perspective that is not a lost cause.

Excellent post. I will always call out Harm's bad behavior, just as I did recently with what he said to Neo and Shell. But I won't write him off or stop being friends with him, because I try to be understanding of his condition and know that he is a good guy.

[brewer]

Excellent post. I will always call out Harm's bad behavior, just as I did recently with what he said to Neo and Shell. But I won't write him off or stop being friends with him, because I try to be understanding of his condition and know that he is a good guy.

Nope, not always.

[Catholic_Lady]

Excellent post. I will always call out Harm's bad behavior, just as I did recently with what he said to Neo and Shell. But I won't write him off or stop being friends with him, because I try to be understanding of his condition and know that he is a good guy.

Nope, not always.

When did I not?

[brewer]

Nope, not always.

When did I not?

Maybe H will step in an answer that for me.

[Catholic_Lady]

When did I not?

Maybe H will step in an answer that for me.

MHB, I have to be honest here, I've seen you provoke him completely unnecessarily for no reason... several times. I just don't understand what the point is of doing that.

[Whateverist]

---

My concern is simply that Aspergers often involves, and certainly does in Hammy's case, perceiving the world differently; in a black and white, literal way... a world of strict rules and definitions... rather than the grey areas inbetween that everyone else takes for granted. In other words, insensitivity to context. And that's not going to change with any amount of therapy (I think); that's just the way some people are wired. So since that will and does inevitably lead to a lot of misunderstandings with people who do see grey areas, all I'm saying is I understand why he gets frustrated and angry.

How he then deals with that frustration and anger is a separate issue... something that can be changed... with anger management, mindfulness etc... and that's on him and his responsibility. But I'm just saying I understand the underlying reasons for that anger, and they've probably been an issue all his life.

In my opinion, what happened with you... basically a rage quit... was just the straw that broke the camel's back... with anger and frustration... and maybe also paranoia... building up from the incident with kimbyrle... or even before. And the thing about straws that break camel's backs is that they tend to come from very little things or misunderstandings, as seems to have happened in this case.

I know some people think I'm enabling him but I don't see it like that. I just understand that frustration he feels and couldn't undo that understanding even if I wanted to. I just want to help him deal better with that frustration and adapt better to the grey areas of life, and from my own perspective that is not a lost cause.

---

Excellent post. I will always call out Harm's bad behavior, just as I did recently with what he said to Neo and Shell. But I won't write him off or stop being friends with him, because I try to be understanding of his condition and know that he is a good guy.

I agree since I suffer from it too assuming we're talking about the human condition.  That really does get complicated.

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But of course I realize you have in mind the particular variant of our shared condition the diagnosis of which he has been wrestling with.

---

[Joods]

Maybe H will step in an answer that for me.

MHB, I have to be honest here, I've seen you provoke him completely unnecessarily for no reason... several times. I just don't understand what the point is of doing that.

H has provoked others which was also completely unnecessary. 

Maybe one of these days you will finally understand, but it's not today. Clearly.

[Shell B]

You know, Tibs and I were talking about this and he said there's a lot of victim blaming. I was like, "Come on. I'm not a victim. It's not a big deal." Then we talked about it, and I thought about it like this. Would you tell a woman who just got punched in the face by her abusive husband after calling him an asshole that "He shouldn't have done that, but you should have been nicer to him, since you know he has anger issues."? Now, I 100% realize it's an inflated analogy. Ham didn't hit anyone here, but the principal stands. You think everyone should be nicer to him so he won't fly off the handle because he has issues. It's not that you think he's a nice guy that's a problem. I don't think he's a bad person, either. It's the "but" you put at the end of "He shouldn't do that." that rankles. No buts, dude. No buts. There are things I shouldn't do. I shouldn't do them. Period.

[Catholic_Lady]

I don't blame you for him calling you cunt. You didn't deserve it and it was uncalled for, as I've been saying all along. I just think both things are wrong - provocation and name calling.