Cognitive dissonance

[God of Mr. Hanky]

...dissonance is not the existence or maintenance of contradictory, or seemingly contradictory positions..but the anxiety one feels in doing so. 

What has the anxiety one feels have to do with the dictionary definition, which does indeed state that cognitive dissonance is an inconsistency of positions or opinions? What has it really to do with dissonance, where that goes? The context may not be specific, but I believe this therefore leaves it open. For example, we commonly experience cognitive dissonance when theists come around here, which (their own cognitive inconsistencies notwithstanding) are between theists and atheists. The dissonance is cognitive, not emotional, however emotionally-charged the dialogue may become.

Another example of dissonance is sometimes cited, when partnerships split up, as "irreconcilable philosophical differences", which essentially comes down to philosophical dissonance. Again, it's a problem with mutual understanding.

When someone who was close to you dies, this is not a cognitive situation at all, it's emotional. You know from the second you've viewed the body that it's true, but your grieving hasn't even begun yet. You know what has happened, but for at least several weeks you won't even feel it - for this first stage, you are emotionally numb. Those who haven't experienced grief for themselves teach the grieving cycle and label that first phase as "Denial", and this does no good service to the reality of the human condition. Emotions are not cognitive, and when they do catch up with you they hit you like a freight train. Your emotions may be dissonant with your cognitive functions, but there is no dissonance which is cognitive.

If religion helps people to reconcile the death of a loved one with their need to be -with- that loved one, for example, than the religious beliefs are mitigating dissonance one might feel in refusing to accept that their loved one is gone while knowing that their loved one is gone. 

What this really does is offer a panacea for the emotions which are about to hit the grieving person, when they finally do. Far from help them with any cognitive dissonance, it will build walls between them and reality with kind lies, while simultaneously ratcheting tight the cuffs which bind their minds to theistic doctrine, and a lifetime of behavior which supports theistic authority, even when it's against their own interests or others who are still in their lives.

This isn't to say that it's good for you in toto, just that in context.....it can be a pro rather than a con.  It may not be helpful or healthy in the larger, overall picture....but as far as dissonance is concerned......it works.  Perhaps it;s effect is unreliable and non-uniform.....perhaps there is a better way to cope for any given individual or even -all- individuals....but can't we say that about any coping strategy?

It provides a panacea for emotional pain, and that's all that can be said of it which is positive. The lies are a cognitive dissonance, but they are the initial cognitive dissonance, unless you believe that grieving is really cognitive.