life is full of uncertainties but you only live once. even when you were a christian you still had uncertainties just a scapegoat was focused on with dealing with those uncertainties(not saying thatto offend i did the same thing). things like that take time for me to reflect on until you determine whether you are ready or not. weigh the pros and cons and determine what is more valueable to you. remember if you go with it to enjoy it. if you don't think you will enjoy it maybe it isn't what is best. for example i REALLY want to get a jeep wrangler. can i afford it? technically yes. but i have a car and i could use that money for my children so i have decided it isn't worth the stress and to put the money to more enjoyable things like my children or emergency funds. in times of comlexity i find simplicity can be the answer. i like to fish. when i have alot of complex things on my mind getting away and thinking is a big help. no time restraints just me a pole and my thoughts. find what works for you. maybe it can bring you a better insight on these things on your mind and find some closure.sometimes the risk are well worth it and it can be seen clearly. sometimes you just have to do it and have that experiance (country cruising in a camaro will be a hell of a experiance and you may find you simplicity with it). i am by no means the best with this stuff but i hope for the best for you in what ever you do. just remember to enjoy it what ever you decide to do
