Religion and children

[Ravenshire]

Fundamentalism isn't what's being discussed here. Just everyday christer bullshit that just happens to be harmful.

Nonsense

Christer bullshit.

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Hello, I was pointed in this thread's direction in order to post my newbie question. I am new to this forum and I hope cross-posting, in a way, is ok.
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I've been a confirmed atheist for about 6 months now, left the church a year ago, but really been on this road my whole life. I was raised in an evangelical Christian home by a minister. Always was taught that going to church was the way to avoid hell. Fear of hell has kept me going to church into adulthood and ultimately to raise my children in the church too. I have 3 kids - 18, 16, and 13. Recently we just left a fundamentalist Christian church after 5 years of indoctrination and abuse. Going to that church just pounded the last nail in the coffin of my faith. Upon leaving that church, I formally shut God out of my life for good and became true to myself.

It's been a rough transition for my kids. They've been raised to believe in God. They don't understand why I can turn my back on it. My two oldest children are really, really struggling. My oldest is an adult and as far as I'm concerned, he's on his own path in life. However, he's decided to start attending a church-type group for college kids. My middle child is frustrated, angry, and missing church. I have not forced my unbelief on my kids in any way, but I've challenged their thinking. When they say religious things, I ask them gently why they believe that and where it comes from. I ask them to think about whether there is evidence for such belief. It makes her very mad when I do this. So I've gone silent. She's 16 and confused. I recently agreed to attend a Unitarian Universalist church in my area with her. I have tremendous anxiety about stepping foot in a church of any kind, but she's searching and this seems to be a good compromise in a way. My youngest has embraced agnosticism and says she firmly believes in fairies. She's my little free-spirit and I love that about her.

So I guess, my question is: What do I do about my kids who keep holding SO TIGHTLY to their Judeo-Christian upbringing and refuse to even open their minds to other thoughts and ideas? Their indoctrination from the fundamentalist church is hanging on for dear life. At times it makes me a bit weepy to know I've done this to them by taking them to church. Should I just let it go? Just accept that they are all on unique paths and only answer questions when they ask me? I don't want to alienate my children.

I'd love some genuine and *KIND* advice about what to do here. My kids are good kids. They are smart. But I've confused them in a major way and I'd like to help repair it.

Willow

Wow. Teenagers. I've got two of those. Can't live with 'em, law won't let you shoot 'em.

Seriously though, it's a rough time for any parent so don't beat yourself up. I would continue to urge them to think critically about everything, not just religious beliefs. Let them go to church if that's really what they want to do. Forcing your decision on them will be met with resistance and anger. But, don't let the indoctrination go unchallenged. If either of my kids showed a real desire to go to church, I'd take them, talk to them about the sermon, show them where the minister/priest/pastor/shaman/medicine man got the day's message and show the biblical contradictions to it. If they think your guiding and helping instead of ordering they'll be more receptive.

Leaving your faith is hard. Raising kids is hard. Doing both at the same time must be hell.

Just my tuppence.