Existential anxiety due to religion...
March 1, 2011 at 4:26 am
(This post was last modified: March 1, 2011 at 5:00 am by wynnie.)
I wasn't entirely sure exactly where to post about this, since it isn't really about Atheism. I just feel like I might get more helpful responses here.
I feel like my life has been tainted by religion (Christianity). My parents were once drug addicts, until I was about 8 years old. After that, they did the U turn and went to being complete Christians. They are still like this, although I do not live with them. I used to be a Christian simply because I just understood it to be true without much thought, as a child. This lasted up until I was about 14 when my sister died and I kind of went over the deep end. I dabbled in Satanism,Witchcraft and a bunch of other nonsense until I finally just stopped thinking about it. But, I have always had an anxiety disorder and it started coming back more as I started thinking about how I wasn't REALLY a believer.
Now, I'm nearly 22 and I am exhausted because I can't ever sleep, I can't concentrate, I have gained weight, I am irritable and sick a lot all due to panic attacks. I have graduated from a panic attack a month to 4-5 of them a day. And the ONLY thing I can think of is how meaningless my life is and how I am going to just stop existing one day and none of this ever really matters. I don't understand consciousness or why all of this occurred. I get so scared that I am dying so often, that dying is the only thing on my mind. I can't sleep, so I start getting sick and then I just go into WEBMD OCD mode lol.
I cannot concentrate at ALL on school and this is just killing me. I know what it is all caused by: religion. My life used to have meaning, I used to matter...but now I don't. Now I am just living in fear of that moment that everything goes dark. It's fucking scary and I'm so tired of it. I can't even sleep at night because I'm scared I might die.
I know that many of you will say that I should go to counseling...but I have. I went for several months and my counselor just "dismissed" my existential anxiety and wanted to talk about my relationship life and I honestly tried to go through with it but it never ended and I never got any help. I have tried anti-depressants (many different kinds) and they either worsen my panic attacks or make me really emotional. I'm not depressed, just when I get so exhausted from panic attacks and so tired of it interfering with my life. I have tried to deal with these things. I'm just so scared of dying and going to hell or not existing...I don't know how to get over this, be a pantheist or atheist, and call it a damn day.
I'm sorry for my rant, I am just really open for suggestions and I'm wondering if others tend to feel the same way. I feel quite alone and it's just nice to know you aren't.
Thanks so much (:
I feel like my life has been tainted by religion (Christianity). My parents were once drug addicts, until I was about 8 years old. After that, they did the U turn and went to being complete Christians. They are still like this, although I do not live with them. I used to be a Christian simply because I just understood it to be true without much thought, as a child. This lasted up until I was about 14 when my sister died and I kind of went over the deep end. I dabbled in Satanism,Witchcraft and a bunch of other nonsense until I finally just stopped thinking about it. But, I have always had an anxiety disorder and it started coming back more as I started thinking about how I wasn't REALLY a believer.
Now, I'm nearly 22 and I am exhausted because I can't ever sleep, I can't concentrate, I have gained weight, I am irritable and sick a lot all due to panic attacks. I have graduated from a panic attack a month to 4-5 of them a day. And the ONLY thing I can think of is how meaningless my life is and how I am going to just stop existing one day and none of this ever really matters. I don't understand consciousness or why all of this occurred. I get so scared that I am dying so often, that dying is the only thing on my mind. I can't sleep, so I start getting sick and then I just go into WEBMD OCD mode lol.
I cannot concentrate at ALL on school and this is just killing me. I know what it is all caused by: religion. My life used to have meaning, I used to matter...but now I don't. Now I am just living in fear of that moment that everything goes dark. It's fucking scary and I'm so tired of it. I can't even sleep at night because I'm scared I might die.
I know that many of you will say that I should go to counseling...but I have. I went for several months and my counselor just "dismissed" my existential anxiety and wanted to talk about my relationship life and I honestly tried to go through with it but it never ended and I never got any help. I have tried anti-depressants (many different kinds) and they either worsen my panic attacks or make me really emotional. I'm not depressed, just when I get so exhausted from panic attacks and so tired of it interfering with my life. I have tried to deal with these things. I'm just so scared of dying and going to hell or not existing...I don't know how to get over this, be a pantheist or atheist, and call it a damn day.
I'm sorry for my rant, I am just really open for suggestions and I'm wondering if others tend to feel the same way. I feel quite alone and it's just nice to know you aren't.
Thanks so much (:
![[Image: again-1.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i206.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fbb239%2Fmansonslilchild%2Fagain-1.jpg)
"But it is important to realize we are all trapped in mental constructs, and so we separate ourselves from reality; the whole world loses its aliveness-or, rather, we lose our ability to sense that aliveness, the sacredness of nature. When we approach nature through the conceptualizing mind, we see a forest as a commodity, a concept. We no longer see it for what it truly is, but for what we want to use it as. It is reduced. This is how it becomes possible for humans to destroy the planet without realizing what they are doing."
Eckhart Tolle
