Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Joods]

CIJS

I've known you since we were in 7th grade together. 34 years is a long time for a friendship, but here we are. Out of the last 15 of those years, you have come up to see me exactly ONE time. I have always been the one to come to you. Sometimes with kids in tow. There is a distance of roughly 50 miles between us. 50. Miles. I get you have a husband who is worried about you driving on the highway. You're a new driver - less than a year, compared to my 30 years. However.....

The highway isn't the only path to my house. There are back roads.
 
Oh wait. The next excuse from you is that you don't want to drive an hour to come see me. 
So our friendship isn't worth an hour drive? What? That's not what you said? I know. It's what I said, because that's what you've indicated to me is the problem. 

Oh.. your husband is a mass transit driver and he's worried that you'll get in an accident and he's not five minutes away to help you. But he's going away for five days on vacation. Out of state. He won't exactly be five minutes away then. 

Ohhh you're planning on staying in the house the entire time. Got it. So you're going to cut yourself off from the rest of the world and be a hermit for five days while he's out there having fun. I see. What's that? You're not going to be a hermit? Isn't shutting yourself away from everyone else being  a hermit? Yes. 

What do you mean calm down? I'm not the one yelling at me over the phone. I'm just merely pointing out the ridiculousness in what you're excuses are. What I see is a double standard. While it's okay for your husband to go out of state for five days, you can't arrange for a simple one hour drive to come and see me. Because you know, it's always been my gas in my car and the wear and tear on my car. It's always been me dragging my family out despite bedtimes and all - versus just you coming up here. You're an adult. Why do you need to seek the husband's permission to come and visit your best friend of 33 years when he's allowed to go off and do whatever he wants with his friends?

Okay. I got it now. As long as you get to stay in the convenience of your home, you're happy being friends. But the minute you are asked to leave your home to come up here - the excuses start flowing in and the husband doesn't get the control over you that he enjoys. I know you like denying that that's the case, but I see how it is. I'm 46.. You're 47. I don't answer to anyone at my age. Evidently, you have to get permission from your old man before you can wipe your own ass.

Let me tell you - I am not a fucking doormat. I am not interested in a one-way friendship where I'm the only one who puts in any effort to see you. If that's what you want - go find other friends who are willing to put up with you always making them come see you. I'm not having it especially when I have kids on med schedules and you don't. Kids have to bring things to do. Honestly - they get bored at your house. They aren't allowed to play on your husband's Xbox. They aren't allowed to touch the tv or anything else in your house. And your husband smokes in his house. My house is smoke free. If he wants to smoke - great. That's on him. But why should my kids be subjected to that? So no - we are not coming down anymore. When you can realize that our 33 year friendship is worth more than the double standards that you accept with your husband, I'll be up here. Waiting for you to pull into my driveway for a change. 

And the next time you want to complain about how shitty he's treating you - remember those double standards. It's what ruined our friendship.