A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian, and an atheist walk into a coffee shop...

[Mudhammam]

Oh, so they're "Christian" or "Muslim" in faith but not in practice, or doctrine but not in faith? Or in practice but not in faith or doctrine? I'll just deal with what the texts actually say and let the religious or their apologists fight over who is really living up to the ideals the foundational texts espouse. These ideals seem clear enough to me; that they don't to the nice ones is a problem we all must face.

Then your problem seems to be with the texts, great. No argument there.

Not sure how that fits in with the meme you made.

See the good summary by Excited_Penguin. My meme takes it for granted, as is reasonable, that a person who identifies as X understands what X means.

A counterexample, of someone who doesn't actually represent their faith despite their claim to the contrary, would be the Muslim political activist Linda Sarsour, who claims that "The oppression of women is absolutely shunned in the Islamic faith." Meanwhile, the Islamic values as delivered by the Muslim God through their most authoritative human mouthpiece, said: "Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great." (4:34)