Existential anxiety due to religion...

[Violet]

I wasn't entirely sure exactly where to post about this, since it isn't really about Atheism. I just feel like I might get more helpful responses here.

We're all about helpful responses to people with large and pretty text! ^_^

Stay uncertain, and one day: you will be just like me! ^_^

I feel like my life has been tainted by religion (Christianity). My parents were once drug addicts, until I was about 8 years old. After that, they did the U turn and went to being complete Christians. They are still like this, although I do not live with them. I used to be a Christian simply because I just understood it to be true without much thought, as a child. This lasted up until I was about 14 when my sister died and I kind of went over the deep end. I dabbled in Satanism,Witchcraft and a bunch of other nonsense until I finally just stopped thinking about it. But, I have always had an anxiety disorder and it started coming back more as I started thinking about how I wasn't REALLY a believer.

Now, I'm nearly 22 and I am exhausted because I can't ever sleep, I can't concentrate, I have gained weight, I am irritable and sick a lot all due to panic attacks. I have graduated from a panic attack a month to 4-5 of them a day. And the ONLY thing I can think of is how meaningless my life is and how I am going to just stop existing one day and none of this ever really matters. I don't understand consciousness or why all of this occurred. I get so scared that I am dying so often, that dying is the only thing on my mind. I can't sleep, so I start getting sick and then I just go into WEBMD OCD mode lol.

Counseling, i recommend... at least it works for some people. Death is actually really peaceful. It is peace, infact... anything less than death challenges peace.

I never did understand how other people are capable of "lol" when hey say they are depressed :S

I cannot concentrate at ALL on school and this is just killing me. I know what it is all caused by: religion. My life used to have meaning, I used to matter...but now I don't. Now I am just living in fear of that moment that everything goes dark. It's fucking scary and I'm so tired of it. I can't even sleep at night because I'm scared I might die.

I don't believe it is caused by religion... at best religion is an accessory to the cause (like giving a bad thing a hat). It's not the darkness to be worried about, it's the things you leave behind. The embrace of the darkness is full and you will be at peace. It's leaving the world that knows not peace that should terrify you... not arriving at death

I know that many of you will say that I should go to counseling...but I have. I went for several months and my counselor just "dismissed" my existential anxiety and wanted to talk about my relationship life and I honestly tried to go through with it but it never ended and I never got any help. I have tried anti-depressants (many different kinds) and they either worsen my panic attacks or make me really emotional. I'm not depressed, just when I get so exhausted from panic attacks and so tired of it interfering with my life. I have tried to deal with these things. I'm just so scared of dying and going to hell or not existing...I don't know how to get over this, be a pantheist or atheist, and call it a damn day.

Counseling was the simple answer If one counsellor does not work, you could try another. Hell might be a valid concern, if it actually was a place that you could go... but death? Dying sucks, no doubt about it... but death itself? I recommend you just think about the most peaceful moment you've ever had, and imagine it even more peaceful. There's death.

I'm sorry for my rant, I am just really open for suggestions and I'm wondering if others tend to feel the same way. I feel quite alone and it's just nice to know you aren't.

Thanks so much (:

Some of us feel horridly depressed for absolutely zero rational reason. I tend to bounce between bubbly and deep depression, but I am not even marginally worried about death. Dying yes, and those few moments when you feel that you well could be are likely terrifying (I have had similar, but it would seem far less severe cases of such, notably psychotically quickened and painful heart beats and horrid pains in the brain that a girl could only hope is not a stroke). But from this silly philosopher, who wishes she could involke the "product of the soviet system" line right now: worrying about what death is like is only for people that are unsatisfied with life. Find a way to be more satisfied with your life, and your 'crisis' of what is not existentialism, but uncertainty, will fade with time

WIsh people wouldn't use existentialism to say 'uncertainty', that almost hurts my senseless squirrel feelings