Existential anxiety due to religion...

[OnlyNatural]

You're not alone. I went through a lot of similar experiences. Severe anxiety for years, struggles with meaninglessness, and then severe depression. Treatment of the acute symptoms needs to happen first, and a good psychiatrist or counselor who understands you is really important. Medication can help too, but it can sometimes take a while to find the one that works for you.

I agree with other posters that a fear of death may be related to a lack of meaning in one's life. I alternated between being terrified of death (and that people I loved would die), to being determined to kill myself and put this life behind me. Either of those situations can be truly horrible, and I empathize with you.

I used to find meaning in Christianity, it was comforting and offered a purpose. But I grew up (and got treatment for my issues) and realized that building your life's purpose on lies and myths means nothing at all. It has to be authentic, it has to be meaningful to you.

So for the past 5 years or so, I've been on that journey of building a life that is meaningful to me. I've found something I'm passionate about, and I try to work towards my best possible future. The intense anxiety you're dealing with is no doubt getting in the way of living a personally fulfilling life, so therapy is definitely important, but you can totally get through it. You obviously have lots of insight already, and that will really help you along the way.