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Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 10:55 pm
After a long period of skepticism, I became a solid atheist around the same time I became a high school senior. I'm in a Catholic household and cannot bring myself to announce my conversion to my parents (That means I still have to go to church, participate in Lent, and all that jazz…). As a senior, my caring mother has me filling out many scholarships. Our small church's altar society offers a relatively hefty one to applicants who write an essay over "How Catholic Faith Has Affected Your Life". My mom knows that few people will apply, so she expects me to do it.
I've sucked up to several organizations in the scholarship essays I write, but this is a whole new ordeal- How am I supposed to write positively about an institution that I have lost respect for? I want to tell people that I'm an atheist, not propagate that idea that I'm Catholic! If I write this essay of lies or if I come clean to my family, I think I'll regret my choice.
What uncomfortable situations have you been in? Any advice?
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 10:58 pm
If I were you, I'd lie my way through the essay.
What falls away is always, and is near.
Also, I am not pretending to be female, this profile picture is my wonderful girlfriend. XD
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 11:02 pm
Yeah, sometimes lying to keep things on an even keel isn't such a bad thing. Then again, coming out and being yourself is not a bad thing, either.
I have never been put in a situation like that over religion. That I am an atheist is, and always has been, obvious to my family.
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 11:05 pm
(This post was last modified: April 1, 2012 at 11:07 pm by mediamogul.)
(April 1, 2012 at 10:55 pm)klassykow Wrote: After a long period of skepticism, I became a solid atheist around the same time I became a high school senior. I'm in a Catholic household and cannot bring myself to announce my conversion to my parents (That means I still have to go to church, participate in Lent, and all that jazz…). As a senior, my caring mother has me filling out many scholarships. Our small church's altar society offers a relatively hefty one to applicants who write an essay over "How Catholic Faith Has Affected Your Life". My mom knows that few people will apply, so she expects me to do it.
I've sucked up to several organizations in the scholarship essays I write, but this is a whole new ordeal- How am I supposed to write positively about an institution that I have lost respect for? I want to tell people that I'm an atheist, not propagate that idea that I'm Catholic! If I write this essay of lies or if I come clean to my family, I think I'll regret my choice.
What uncomfortable situations have you been in? Any advice?
My thought is that whether I succeed or fail I will at least do so by being myself. Not on the grounds that I lied or misrepresented who I was. If people don't like me so be it but at least they will be disliking the real version of me.
When I was 17 I had some, uhhhh, behavioral problems and was sent to live with my fundamentalist aunt who promised my parents she would straighten me out. I mean this was a person who believed the earth was 6000 years old to put it in perspective. So my cousin was very aggressive with the conversion tactics and constantly told me the devil was in my life and nightmares I was having were all related to that. When it was Christmas time they asked me to put up the angel on the tree and I said no thank you. Then, when the whole family was sitting down to the table they asked me to say grace and I said, in front of everyone, that i did not believe in god. I think they must have been under the impression I was effectively "saved" by that point because they freaked and started yelling at me and I felt horrible at first but better afterwards as I had stood my ground and hadn't rolled over to appease them. After that they mostly layed off. It hasn't been easy but I'm glad I have been able to express to them what I really believe. I at least feel that whatever they think of me at least they know the truth about how I feel. I don't regret it.
"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." -Friedrich Nietzsche
"All thinking men are atheists." -Ernest Hemmingway
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." -Voltaire
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 11:13 pm
For me, I hate going against my views. It feels like I'm giving in to what others want, even if I would get something good out of it.
However, if you think you really need the scholarship, faking it might be a good choice. Just don't think too much about what you are writing. Write the essay, submit it, get the scholarship, and never look back.
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 11:18 pm
How badly do you need the scholarship?
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 11:31 pm
Hey, I can write it for you, if you want.  Wait, how long does it have to be?
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 1, 2012 at 11:31 pm
(This post was last modified: April 1, 2012 at 11:54 pm by klassykow.)
(April 1, 2012 at 11:05 pm)mediamogul Wrote: When I was 17 I had some, uhhhh, behavioral problems and was sent to live with my fundamentalist aunt who promised my parents she would straighten me out. I mean this was a person who believed the earth was 6000 years old to put it in perspective. So my cousin was very aggressive with the conversion tactics and constantly told me the devil was in my life and nightmares I was having were all related to that. When it was Christmas time they asked me to put up the angel on the tree and I said no thank you. Then, when the whole family was sitting down to the table they asked me to say grace and I said, in front of everyone, that i did not believe in god. I think they must have been under the impression I was effectively "saved" by that point because they freaked and started yelling at me and I felt horrible at first but better afterwards as I had stood my ground and hadn't rolled over to appease them. After that they mostly layed off. It hasn't been easy but I'm glad I have been able to express to them what I really believe. I at least feel that whatever they think of me at least they know the truth about how I feel. I don't regret it.
Gosh! I'm sorry that happened... I hope to tell my parents the news before I leave for college. I'm constantly running the confrontation through my head. I know it'll feel good to let the truth out, but I really dread that conversation.
Btw, I love the Nietzsche quote in your signature. I wrote it on the board in my theatre class last year when we did a play about an asylum. I don't think any of my God-fearing cast mates understood what it implied, though! Hehe...
(April 1, 2012 at 11:18 pm)Minimalist Wrote: How badly do you need the scholarship?
Not that badly, but my mom would not let slide one that is so easy to get. It's due May 1st and I'm already being told to get to work on it… And to add another dimension, my grandmother is on the altar society and she'll know whether or not I do it! Haha. I'll end up writing the thing, even if I'm kicking and screaming...
(April 1, 2012 at 11:31 pm)Shell B Wrote: Hey, I can write it for you, if you want. Wait, how long does it have to be?
Nice! But I don't want to take up your time for the whole essay. Can you think of any topics I could focus on just to get me started, though?
I thought I could say something like "Life in the Catholic church has had a major impact in developing my morality." and building from there, but then I thought "Wait… I'm not religious and I still have morals… I don't need Catholicism for this!" Maybe I'll write about how it has provided a place for me to nap in on Sunday mornings.
(April 1, 2012 at 10:58 pm)Aegrus Wrote: If I were you, I'd lie my way through the essay.
I'm sure that'll be what happens… The people judging essays won't know that I wore a grimace the whole time I was typing!
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 2, 2012 at 12:10 am
Quote:even if I'm kicking and screaming...
When a catholic is kicking and screaming it is usually because some priest is trying to fuck them up the ass.
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RE: Between A Scholarship and A Hard Place
April 2, 2012 at 7:12 am
Welll, if the topic is how Catholic faith has shaped your life, just tell the truth if you're not interested in getting the scholarship.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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