Conversation Skills

[Tea Earl Grey Hot]

Am I the only one who sucks at verbal conversations with people? I don't speak much at all mainly because I'm never around others often enough and I grew up homeschooled with limited contact to other kids compared to your average kid. I don't know if my homeschooling caused my problems or it is a pre-existing problem. When people do actually talk to me, carrying a conversation is a challenge mainly because I can't think of what to say or add to the conservation that is relevant half the time. Like somebody will go on at length about something they did or or something they experienced and most of the time I can't think of anything to say to that. The best I can come up with is "hmm" or "cool". There's in general a lot more awkward silence in my conversations.

When I'm good at conversations it's usually when I'm reciting stuff I prepared in my head long before the conversation took place. When I know I'm going to see someone, I prepare a list of things in my head to say and I preplan almost the exact wording I'm going to use. I also come up with some if then scenarios so if they say this I say that. I feel like a comedian going through a routine. It's all scripted.

I also have many other "scripted" statements or stories that I can say to anyone.

I guess what I'm saying is that little of my side of verbal conversations seem truly spontaneous.

I can talk at length however about stuff related to my interests but usually my interests are too arcane or too offensive for other people.

People interrupt me all the time whether it be it in a personal conversation or whether I'm trying to say something in class. I really hate that. It feels like being shoved.

I dread talking on the phone. I hate phones.

I feel much more comfortable with written communication. I can take my time. I can get the wording exactly the way I want it. I never get interrupted. I have access to an entire internet of interesting things that I can interject into a conversation. Written communication generally expresses my real self much more accurately.

[downbeatplumb]

Sometimes I say things without passing them through the appropriate filters, especially if I've had a few to drink.

[Sejanus]

I feel similarly to you, but not as bad as you describe. Mostly it's I can't think of anything relevant to say in a conversation. This doesn't happen all the time, and it depends on the person I'm talking to, and if I know them or not.

When you talked about the interruptions and phones, it felt like I had written it. I literally have to psyche myself up for about 10 minutes before a phone call (to a stranger)

[Napoléon]

It depends on what kind of mood I'm in if I decide I feel like talking to people. If I'm in a reasonably good mood then I generally don't have any problems communicating with people IRL, but sometimes I'll be in the kind of mood where I just can't be arsed dealing with people. Then I simply don't make conversation unless I have to.

On the phone is a weird one for me too though, I can't stand it. I literally just had to call back one of my friends just now, and it took me a good 5 minutes to psyche myself up for it. Don't know why, if I saw the person face to face it would be normal, even if we were talking online with facebook chat or something. But the phone? Damn man, I just don't know what it is, it just feels like everything in my brain I would normally say in conversation immediately disappears.

[Drich]

I use to be exactly like that with the scripted conversations. I also was the leader or minister to a hopelessly single group of collage age people. It just takes practice. Start with your interest or find one you can have a conversation with, and make a point to try and talk about other things. (Small talk weather watch local news etc.) it will be a long and trying road. You will fail a lot. Just learn your lessons and apply them to the next conversation. Do this now and you will be free to talk with anyone you like the rest of your life. If you don't while your young your going struggle with this for the rest of your life. In our singles group I've seen people go work with their problem and ignore it. Those who ignored it 15 years later still sit alone and avoid conversations.

[FlyingNarwhal]

Yeah I hate talking on the phone as well, personally if I'm actually going to be physically talking to someone I need a face to look at. But I would rather talk to someone face to face than on the phone or in written text. If I was to put it in order, it would go:

1. Face to face
2. Text/written
3. Phone

Edit: Just read Drich's post and I agree. I've also found that asking questions or inquiring further with what someone said works well too. Most people like to talk about themselves, give them a reason to and you'll do fine.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

I'm quite good with talking with strangers when I'm in the mood. These tips may help.

1. When in doubt, ask questions. Everyone likes talking about themselves, be interested and ask questions, most people would love that as many people do not really like to hear about other people's lives these days. As they're answering you, keep being interested, don't space out, it's rude. Don't ask about anything too personal, obviously. Ask about interests instead of information like what movies do you like instead of where do you live.

2. Relate something similar that happened to you or relate a fun fact that is related to what they said. If someone's talking about food, tell them you've never tried that before but have always wanted to. Details don't really matter, just go with the flow. If you completely cannot relate, just go back to asking questions.

3. Keep the tone light if you've just met someone, try to filter out the strong stuff. Make jokes (don't have to recite memorized jokes, just make like mini jokes out of what they said), keep a playful and light tone, but don't get too mundane. Some people are awfully boring and all they can talk about is how busy they are, if you've just met someone, they don't give a shit. Try not to rant about your life or anything unless they're ranting, then make jokes and change subject. They may be the ones ranting but they're going to associate that feeling with this conversation, so best to keep it light. Actually I do this because I can't stand people who rant unless they're friends, so I always turn the conversation to something else.

If they ask you something that is too private, just give a nonspecific answer and then smoothly change the subject. Don't clam up or say "I don't want to talk about that" as it may stop the conversation cold and that may make you feel uncomfortable or unsure of how to continue.



I used to be pretty shy, too. One of the most important things is to realize that you're way more aware of yourself than people are of you. You may be worried about what they think of you during a conversation, but they're too busy thinking the same to really judge you. If you run into people who aren't friendly, it really isn't you, there are plenty of people who are happy to make new friends. I once got completely ignored when I talked to a girl sitting beside me in the lecture hall. Didn't even turn her head. But I've also made really good friends by asking people out in other classes. It's trial and error.

[Shaggy]

I used to be like that. Then I got a job working with a lot of different people, absolutely that brought me out of my shell. I'm not an expert conversationalist but it doesn't make me as uncomfortable as it used to.

[Darkstar]

Am I the only one who sucks at verbal conversations with people?

Nope, I do too. For some reason I can talk fine to my family, but strangers? Forget it. I don't ever talk to people outside my family IRL if I can help it.

[Lemonvariable72]

Am I the only one who sucks at verbal conversations with people? I don't speak much at all mainly because I'm never around others often enough and I grew up homeschooled with limited contact to other kids compared to your average kid. I don't know if my homeschooling caused my problems or it is a pre-existing problem. When people do actually talk to me, carrying a conversation is a challenge mainly because I can't think of what to say or add to the conservation that is relevant half the time. Like somebody will go on at length about something they did or or something they experienced and most of the time I can't think of anything to say to that. The best I can come up with is "hmm" or "cool". There's in general a lot more awkward silence in my conversations.

When I'm good at conversations it's usually when I'm reciting stuff I prepared in my head long before the conversation took place. When I know I'm going to see someone, I prepare a list of things in my head to say and I preplan almost the exact wording I'm going to use. I also come up with some if then scenarios so if they say this I say that. I feel like a comedian going through a routine. It's all scripted.

I also have many other "scripted" statements or stories that I can say to anyone.

I guess what I'm saying is that little of my side of verbal conversations seem truly spontaneous.

I can talk at length however about stuff related to my interests but usually my interests are too arcane or too offensive for other people.

People interrupt me all the time whether it be it in a personal conversation or whether I'm trying to say something in class. I really hate that. It feels like being shoved.

I dread talking on the phone. I hate phones.

I feel much more comfortable with written communication. I can take my time. I can get the wording exactly the way I want it. I never get interrupted. I have access to an entire internet of interesting things that I can interject into a conversation. Written communication generally expresses my real self much more accurately.

I'm the same way, esecially with girls,. I have no lack of confidence in my self I just usually with no idea what to talk about when my primary interests are: Paleontology, Religion, And science fiction.