Funeral Question

[Cato]

Here's another solution, don't attend the funeral. I can't count the number of times my father wasn't around when he was supposed to be, so anyone creating an obligation or duty for me surrounding his future demise can suck my dick.

[Minimalist]

I have to agree with Cato. It seems that a) the wound is still quite raw and b) you don't seem particularly close to the family.

Why bother going?

[Fromper]

Sorry for your loss, hope things work out well for you in this loss. I agree with It Is i, being gracious shows your maturity in this situation with your father, something Bad Wolf seems not to believe is important.

GC

No your right, lying to everyone just to spare a few feelings seems much more respectful....

I'm not likely to agree with Godschild on much, but I do agree on this. There's a time and a place for religious debate. A funeral isn't it.

The service may be religious, but disrupting that would be incredibly rude. If an atheist is going to show up to a funeral, he should sit quietly through whatever type of service the closest family of the departed wants, and pay his respects politely. No lying necessary - you don't have to mention religion at all.

Zebo, my condolences on your loss.

[Bad Wolf]

I wasn't talking about religion. I was talking about him and his father.

[rexbeccarox]

Chances are he left because it was intolerable living with your mother. Men don't usually leave their families unless they are driven away. You may experience that someday yourself. The news is full of such stories so don't think it won't happen to you.

I'm sorry... what? What a jerky thing to say.

OP, I think you should just politely decline anything being said for you.

[zebo-the-fat]

Thank you all your your thoughts, I will probably go and just sit quietly at the back. I don't want any arguments or have any need to stir up bad feelings with "his other family"

[ShaMan]

I can't count the number of times my father wasn't around when he was supposed to be...

So leaving the apple directly beneath the tree from which it fell is the solution? Yes, let failure breed contempt! Fuck everyone who doesn't perform to our standards!

Seriously? Now we let our father's failures become our tenor? Personally, I'll not perpetuate my father's failures by allowing them to make my heart cold on top of all the perceived loss in my earlier life.

[Cato]

I can't count the number of times my father wasn't around when he was supposed to be...

So leaving the apple directly beneath the tree from which it fell is the solution? Yes, let failure breed contempt! Fuck everyone who doesn't perform to our standards!

Seriously? Now we let our father's failures become our tenor? Personally, I'll not perpetuate my father's failures by allowing them to make my heart cold on top of all the perceived loss in my earlier life.

Seriously? Your argument would have merit if I had repeated his failures as a father. Cold heart? Hardly, things could change if he decided to return calls/communications, but he doesn't. Contempt? You bet your ass, he earned it.

I attend funerals out of respect and fondness for the one who passed or out of respect and fondness for a person that needs support while grieving/paying last respects. I do not attend funerals because of some unwritten obligation based on biological closeness. If people are concerned about their funeral attendance, they should do a better job of fostering relationships while they're living.

As far as the 'fuck everyone that doesn't perform to our standards' jive, my standard for fathers is simple...help rear your children. If a man can't live up to this standard, then yes, he can go fuck himself.

[ShaMan]

So leaving the apple directly beneath the tree from which it fell is the solution? Yes, let failure breed contempt! Fuck everyone who doesn't perform to our standards!

Seriously? Now we let our father's failures become our tenor? Personally, I'll not perpetuate my father's failures by allowing them to make my heart cold on top of all the perceived loss in my earlier life.

Seriously? Your argument would have merit if I had repeated his failures as a father. Cold heart? Hardly, things could change if he decided to return calls/communications, but he doesn't. Contempt? You bet your ass, he earned it.

I attend funerals out of respect and fondness for the one who passed or out of respect and fondness for a person that needs support while grieving/paying last respects. I do not attend funerals because of some unwritten obligation based on biological closeness. If people are concerned about their funeral attendance, they should do a better job of fostering relationships while they're living.

As far as the 'fuck everyone that doesn't perform to our standards' jive, my standard for fathers is simple...help rear your children. If a man can't live up to this standard, then yes, he can go fuck himself.

Good for you god damn it! You got that off your chest! Whew! I feel better, how about you?

P.S.

My father is still a fucking prick, but I'll be damned before I let his cowardice color my courage!

Be well fatherless traveler.

[Cato]

My father is still a fucking prick, but I'll be damned before I let his cowardice color my courage!

Nor my father's to mine; however, I see this as more reason not to attend his funeral where you seem to suggest, in a rise above it spirit, as a reason to attend. Funny how that works.