I dislike traditionalism

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Ok, so me and fiancé are looking to get married in the next year or so (maybe).

I'm not wanting a religious ceremony or anything religious at all. In fact I'm not too bothered about getting married at all. I don't see why there's a big who-har about it as really it changes nothing for us a couple (I won't love her more or less with an expensive certificate).

Little bit of a rant I guess but her family is Catholic, and is expecting a catholic ceremony of some sorts. I've already turned down offers of financial assistance because that would give others leverage in the decision that we make. Indeed, I made the offer that they could contribute to the wedding if they really wanted to, but they can in no way influence what we do and where we do it.

My partner is of the same thoughts as me, and wants an entirely secular wedding as we don't have any religious beliefs and I don't want to contribute to an organisation that I disagree with (through money paid to the church).

Bah. Just a rant. It's annoying me because otherwise really nice people are now suddenly getting angry and disagreeing with our decisions because of their stupid traditionalist values of weddings and how they should be. Me? I just want a registry office, a quick signing of the certificate, and a fucking night long party in a marquee in a field on a warm summers evening.

But no, it has to be religious. I'm not starting off married life with a lie. I don't think her entire family know I'm atheist yet, which would probably make me go down in their estimation as some of them are quite devout.

Fuck that. I look forward to a day when society puts notions of 'you have to get married!' behind it. At least it's the state that authorises certificates now and not a religious organisation.

[KichigaiNeko]

Same with Zen and I.

Remind them that it is YOUR day, and it will go the way YOU BOTH want. Don't like it? GREAT! then we can cross you off the invite list?

[Cato]

If you and your partner agree, the rest will just have to deal with it. Some may bitch a little, but I'm sure they will get over it.

[Foxaèr]

Fuck that.

Indeed. Do what you want to do, and everyone else will just have to suck it up if they want to be a part of the ceremony at all.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

You're all correct, of course.

As I'm sure you appreciate, easier said than done when it comes to the old ball and chain's family though.

I'm refusing to back down on any of this. Just having a shitty day and talking with my mrs this morning about this topic made it even shittier.

[vorlon13]

Gee, you have an opportunity to become an accessory after the fact (by sending filthy lucre) to priests diddling children, and you're having a hissy fit ????


Think of the feelings you're hurting with your stubbornness !!!!!


hock:

[ThePinsir]

1) Disregard future in-laws.
2) Acquire secular ceremony.
3) "Come out" to future in-laws.
4) Let the butt hurt flow.
5) ???
6) Profit.

[RaisdCath]

Ok, so me and fiancé are looking to get married in the next year or so (maybe).

I'm not wanting a religious ceremony or anything religious at all. In fact I'm not too bothered about getting married at all. I don't see why there's a big who-har about it as really it changes nothing for us a couple (I won't love her more or less with an expensive certificate).

Little bit of a rant I guess but her family is Catholic, and is expecting a catholic ceremony of some sorts. I've already turned down offers of financial assistance because that would give others leverage in the decision that we make. Indeed, I made the offer that they could contribute to the wedding if they really wanted to, but they can in no way influence what we do and where we do it.

My partner is of the same thoughts as me, and wants an entirely secular wedding as we don't have any religious beliefs and I don't want to contribute to an organisation that I disagree with (through money paid to the church).

Bah. Just a rant. It's annoying me because otherwise really nice people are now suddenly getting angry and disagreeing with our decisions because of their stupid traditionalist values of weddings and how they should be. Me? I just want a registry office, a quick signing of the certificate, and a fucking night long party in a marquee in a field on a warm summers evening.

But no, it has to be religious. I'm not starting off married life with a lie. I don't think her entire family know I'm atheist yet, which would probably make me go down in their estimation as some of them are quite devout.

Fuck that. I look forward to a day when society puts notions of 'you have to get married!' behind it. At least it's the state that authorises certificates now and not a religious organisation.

This is not a "rant" at all. It does demonstrate that there are clear thinking, level headed individuals in these here United States that realize the "ceremony" demanded by/required by/whined for by society in general and certainly religions in particular....is really a complete waste.
Putting aside the social and religious issues you've identified....just look at the financial ones.
1. All relevant statistics point to the fact that 50.5% of ALL marriages break up.....that is, terminate in divorce.
2. Take a very hard look at what happens in a divorce after 10 to 12 years of marriage to both partners....it isn't pretty. And the longer the couple stays married, then divorces, the worse the situation becomes. It is never pretty.....it is never easy.....and most assuredly harms both parties (not to mention extended families and kids).
3. The real gainers during this horrible process are the lawyers. They win in both cases - both of you loose.

Look at is this way......a coin toss is a 50/50 proposition.

Heads means (other than emotional consequences) neither party looses socially, religiously, legally, or financially.
Tails means you both loose emotionally, socially, religiously, financially, and legally.

So....you both have a 50/50 chance.

Gonna flip? One toss'll do it.

[vorlon13]

If in-laws are willing to pay, hire some actors to portray the happy couple, and have a just for show wedding at the local cathedral.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Ok, so me and fiancé are looking to get married in the next year or so (maybe).

I'm not wanting a religious ceremony or anything religious at all. In fact I'm not too bothered about getting married at all. I don't see why there's a big who-har about it as really it changes nothing for us a couple (I won't love her more or less with an expensive certificate).

Little bit of a rant I guess but her family is Catholic, and is expecting a catholic ceremony of some sorts. I've already turned down offers of financial assistance because that would give others leverage in the decision that we make. Indeed, I made the offer that they could contribute to the wedding if they really wanted to, but they can in no way influence what we do and where we do it.

My partner is of the same thoughts as me, and wants an entirely secular wedding as we don't have any religious beliefs and I don't want to contribute to an organisation that I disagree with (through money paid to the church).

Bah. Just a rant. It's annoying me because otherwise really nice people are now suddenly getting angry and disagreeing with our decisions because of their stupid traditionalist values of weddings and how they should be. Me? I just want a registry office, a quick signing of the certificate, and a fucking night long party in a marquee in a field on a warm summers evening.

But no, it has to be religious. I'm not starting off married life with a lie. I don't think her entire family know I'm atheist yet, which would probably make me go down in their estimation as some of them are quite devout.

Fuck that. I look forward to a day when society puts notions of 'you have to get married!' behind it. At least it's the state that authorises certificates now and not a religious organisation.

This is not a "rant" at all. It does demonstrate that there are clear thinking, level headed individuals in these here United States that realize the "ceremony" demanded by/required by/whined for by society in general and certainly religions in particular....is really a complete waste.
Putting aside the social and religious issues you've identified....just look at the financial ones.
1. All relevant statistics point to the fact that 50.5% of ALL marriages break up.....that is, terminate in divorce.
2. Take a very hard look at what happens in a divorce after 10 to 12 years of marriage to both partners....it isn't pretty. And the longer the couple stays married, then divorces, the worse the situation becomes. It is never pretty.....it is never easy.....and most assuredly harms both parties (not to mention extended families and kids).
3. The real gainers during this horrible process are the lawyers. They win in both cases - both of you loose.

Look at is this way......a coin toss is a 50/50 proposition.

Heads means (other than emotional consequences) neither party looses socially, religiously, legally, or financially.
Tails means you both loose emotionally, socially, religiously, financially, and legally.

So....you both have a 50/50 chance.

Gonna flip? One toss'll do it.

Just a note, I'm British

But you make extremely valid points and are, somewhat, preaching to the converted. I'm not a fan of marriage for the above reasons as well as the fact that I dislike the whole traditional aspect that it naturally entails.

Of course, I'm/ we're not rich by any means, which is why I wanted a small ceremony in a government registry office, then a big marquee in a field (relatively cheap) with all the beer gratis (big expense, but worth it for a party).

But it's not what most others have in mind, and I'm more inclined just to let them moan about it and give them free beer until they don't care any-more.