Help, I need someone to talk to

[onebluethinker]

I need some help. I'm having a moral crisis right now. Please hear me out, even though it's long.

I recently came out to my mother after almost a year of keeping the secret, hoping that they wouldn't hit me or disown me like they did in my nightmares. And then my mother laughed in my face. Well, figuratively.

She rambled for a few minutes about believing without proof, told me I was still young, that she didn't believe me, and that if someone told me to pray then I would have to. She told me that if I was serious in 5 years, maybe she would "think about it". Then, as my rage began building up, she smiled.

"Don't worry about it." she said.

Being shy, self-conscious me, I was crushed, but I had very low self-esteem and assumed my mother was correct. I watched the calendar for July 2nd, 2019 and went back to my life. But then I wondered if maybe I was right. And then I started to get mad.

I'm pretty sure she didn't even tell my dad. She must have assumed it was "just a phase."

I have never been more serious about anything in my life. Before I came out I was scared, I thought my life would change, I was going into depression and wishing I wasn't an atheist. By the time I built up the courage to come out I was really hopeful that I wouldn't have to hide anymore. Maybe I could even tell my two atheist friends, and we could talk about it. And then... well, my mom crushed my hopes.

What do I do? I really want to confront her but I'm scared the real her will come out and she'll yell at me, hate me, make all my friends and everyone I know hate me too.

I love her. She always told me she would always love me, but now my anxious brain is wondering if that's really true. I would love it if my whole family was atheist, but that can't happen. At least I want her to know I'm serious, even though I'm "only" in high school...

Please help me. I really hope that people on this forum are as nice, helpful, and understanding as they seem. I'm feeling really alone right now.

[Tobie]

If your parents are going to react badly if you tell them, it's probably best not to, at least until you've left home.

Definitely tell your atheist friends though, they should at least understand what you're going through and be something of a support network to you.

[rexbeccarox]

If you're young, you haven't yet had the chance to find out your parents aren't as smart or powerful as they would have you believe.

Hang in there. Don't bring it up with your mom again. The condescension she showed toward your extremely difficult confession tells you all you need to know about what her intentions are. Post here as much as you want, and seriously: talk to your atheist friends too.

[ShaMan]

It sounds like your mother's love for you is important to you. The only advice I have is to love your mother. Be yourself (atheist or otherwise) and be the most sincere, caring and honest person you can be. Your mother loves you. She's got some of her own processing going on right now - give her space.

Be true to yourself. If your 'friends' leave because of what someone else tells them about you then they were never really your friends. As long as you are true to yourself, are good to others, and do no harm, then you'll do great! Hang in there

[onebluethinker]

If your parents are going to react badly if you tell them, it's probably best not to, at least until you've left home.

Definitely tell your atheist friends though, they should at least understand what you're going through and be something of a support network to you.

Thanks for responding and thanks for the advice. I doubt I'm patient enough and think my parents are mean enough to wait until I leave home to tell my parents, but I do think I'm going to tell my friends very soon.

A question about atheist friends: I should know, being an atheist, that you can't generalize atheists... but do you mind if I ask for a bit more advice about coming out to my friends? One of them I only met this school year, and she told me she was an atheist today right after I told her all about my old religion, which she was calmly and politely asking about, supportively telling me all my old traditions were really cool. Should I wait until I'm better friends with her? Will she think worse of me for lying to her? Also how do I talk to her about this stuff without anyone else finding out?

I'm so clueless, being mostly deconverted from Google+ posts. Sorry if I'm asking tons of stupid questions.

---

It sounds like your mother's love for you is important to you. The only advice I have is to love your mother. Be yourself (atheist or otherwise) and be the most sincere, caring and honest person you can be. Your mother loves you. She's got some of her own processing going on right now - give her space.

Be true to yourself. If your 'friends' leave because of what someone else tells them about you then they were never really your friends. As long as you are true to yourself, are good to others, and do no harm, then you'll do great! Hang in there

Thanks for the caring words. I'm having an identity as well as a moral crisis but I know I'll always love my parents. Also I really don't think I'll tell any friends that I'm atheist if my parents will find out I told them. I was always the good kid and I want to resolve things with parents before I let the wide world now. At least hopefully that's how it'll work out.

[ShaMan]

My motto on telling others...

Don't bring it up. If it comes up - be honest.

[The Grand Nudger]

"Don't worry about it." she said.

That's some pretty good advice, actually.

[Minimalist]

"just a phase."

The "just a phase" gambit is something parents concocted so they don't have to immediately shit in their pants.

My parents told me it was just a phase 40+ years ago. Now they are both dead and I guess it is a very long "phase."

Understand that by rejecting their fairy tales you are rejecting them ( in their p-o-v). Be happy that she thinks it's a "phase." If she asks you about it again just reply "phasers on stun."

[pocaracas]

ok, first things first.
How old are you?
I'm guessing young enough to be in mamma's home. Take your mum's advice and don't make waves.... don't worry about it. Let it be. Let your parents think what they want to think... but, from now on, you may find yourself away from certain people and close to others who "will bring you back into the faith", with a mum pulling the strings.

Second, where are you?
US bible belt? Norway? India? Argentina?

You have an atheist friend... a female friend... .... I guess you can tell her about your lack of faith in your old religion, even after telling her about it, as if it was your current one. She should understand your requirement for concealment of the lack of religiosity. If she doesn't, then she's stupid.
Yes, there are stupid atheists! There are idiot atheists! There are screwed up atheists! There are psychotic atheists.
But, considering her interest in your old religion, I'd say she's got a few marbles in her head.

[onebluethinker]

ok, first things first.
How old are you?
I'm guessing young enough to be in mamma's home. Take your mum's advice and don't make waves.... don't worry about it. Let it be. Let your parents think what they want to think... but, from now on, you may find yourself away from certain people and close to others who "will bring you back into the faith", with a mum pulling the strings.

Second, where are you?
US bible belt? Norway? India? Argentina?

You have an atheist friend... a female friend... .... I guess you can tell her about your lack of faith in your old religion, even after telling her about it, as if it was your current one. She should understand your requirement for concealment of the lack of religiosity. If she doesn't, then she's stupid.
Yes, there are stupid atheists! There are idiot atheists! There are screwed up atheists! There are psychotic atheists.
But, considering her interest in your old religion, I'd say she's got a few marbles in her head.

Understandably I don't want to put a big list of personal info on the web but I will tell you this: I'm in high school but very young for my grade. I live in the US but outside the Bible Belt. I deconverted from a minority religion.

I doubt my mother will seriously think about reconverting me since she never believed me in the first place, but thanks for the heads up.

I'm not very good at expressing myself so I can't exactly blame you for your judgements about my friend; but I will tell you this: she's perfectly sane, a very tolerant atheist, and she was just expressing a natural curiosity in foreign customs and stuff like that. Also why the wink?

---

I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but thanks everyone for your advice about telling atheist friends. Question: What about Christian friends? I have a vey close friend who is Christian, and I'm pretty sure she'd be supportive because she also happens to be friends with one of my atheist friends. Any advice? I'm feeling better already