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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 11:32 am
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2015 at 11:32 am by MTL.)
(October 13, 2015 at 1:14 am)Violet Wrote: (October 12, 2015 at 7:47 pm)MTL Wrote: I've weighed the situation, all the pros and cons, again and again,
and just keep coming up with the same conclusion:
The path of least evil
is, unfortunately,
just to stay put, for now.
For now, it is still worth remaining under the boulder;
there's a chance I may get free with my arm intact if I just play my cards right.
But it's extremely painful....that's all.
It's just very very very sad and manifestly unjust.
MTL, do you have a therapist? If not, would going to a therapist anger the person that you are situationally chained to? If so, and you're not seeing a therapist already, is it possible that you might be able to use skype or your phone to talk to a therapist?
I don't know the situation, so I can't help you find a way to get out from under this person's boulder of a thumb... but I can understand what it's like in some sense, at least. I'm sorry, I hope that more avenues open up for you, and that opportunities to get loose of the boulder present themselves to you soon.
It sounds terrible... I am sorry that you've been made to endure this. 
I don't have a therapist....that's why I've venting to you guys, lol.
What I need, at this point, is a lawyer.
Thank you for your kind words, Violet. It helps.
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 11:40 am
Quote:Mom is terrified to stand up to my sister,
for fear that my sister will keep the grandchild away from them.
One shudders to think what that kid will grow up to be.
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 11:47 am
(October 13, 2015 at 5:11 am)robvalue Wrote: I'm really sorry to hear things have gotten so bad  I think you're a lovely person, and very reasonable, so whatever issues your sister has with you are very likely to be her own problems in my opinion.
The only advice I can give is how I have handled very similar situations with family: emotionally detach yourself from them. I know that's much easier said than done, but it's the only way I have been able to survive the bizarre relationships within my family. Over time, I stopped caring about what they say or think about me. Giving them "one more chance" and trying to meet them in the middle was just setting me up for failure one more time.
Again, I'm really sorry, and I hope you find a way to cope. Changing your sister is probably impossible, so all you can do is alter the way you react to her.
yes, my sister is completely warped by her own insecurities and jealousy.
I would have no qualms about cutting her out of my life, except for my circumstances.
And I could exert my will and free myself, now, if I chose...but at a very hefty sacrifice.
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 11:48 am
(October 13, 2015 at 11:40 am)Minimalist Wrote: Quote:Mom is terrified to stand up to my sister,
for fear that my sister will keep the grandchild away from them.
One shudders to think what that kid will grow up to be.
Ha. Funny you should say that, Min.
I will laugh if he grows up to be like me
...because I often get compared to my own aunt.
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 11:56 am
MTL, as your pseudo/wannabe therapist, I can't help you without knowing more about you and the situation which keeps you from shit-canning* your sister.
(*A psychobabble term which may be too technical for someone not actually paying for sessions.)
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 1:14 pm
So what are these circumstances you keep mentioning. Do you live with your sister or something?
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 3:42 pm
You cannot control what other people do. If you do not like what they do, you have a couple of possible options. You can just endure it, let them walk all over you, whatever. Or you can walk away, assuming you have the financial means to live on your own. What you cannot have is a magical cure that makes other people behave as you would like them to behave.
Of course, some people are better at encouraging better behavior from others, but no matter how good one is at that, there are always limits, and ultimately, they cannot force others to be as they would like them to be.
I personally recommend living on your own and having nothing to do with people who mistreat you. If you put up with mistreatment, you will be mistreated.
You can only choose from what is possible, not what is impossible. So you are not going to magically transform the situation to be what you want it to be, and must select among the possible options.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 4:16 pm
You're really building up the suspense about those circumstances. By now I imagine something with dragons, mafia deals and a political sex scandal 
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 4:30 pm
MTL, the circumstances are your own business, to share or not as you see fit. I'll leave it at that.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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RE: Feeling pretty gutted
October 13, 2015 at 4:45 pm
(October 13, 2015 at 4:30 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: MTL, the circumstances are your own business, to share or not as you see fit. I'll leave it at that.
That's right!
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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