Moralizing vs. Compassion

[Kingpin]

So I got in a little trouble with a co-worker today when she was going on about how our city wasn't doing enough to help the homeless.  She claimed she was passionate about helping the homeless.  I thought this was great because I too am passionate and regularly help the homeless in Detroit by bringing them gift bags of essentials and offering time in shelters.  

However, as she went on she claimed she never even met a homeless person in downtown, goes out of her way to avoid them when she visits and never been to a shelter but read that there were only two and that wasn't enough.  I applauded her concern for issue, but I perhaps mistakenly corrected her in that I didn't feel she was passionate about the homeless but was merely moralizing.  She got upset with me, but I did my best to explain it to her.  

The word compassion carries with it these dual senses about making an absolute moral judgement about something AND being prepared to do something about it. So you have compassion in the face of poverty when you make an absolute moral judgement, 'That is wrong! It shouldn't be like that,' and then you're moved from the depth of your being to do something about it. If you're not moved from the depth of your being to do something about it, you don't have compassion, you have moralizing.

She didn't like my explanation.  Curious your thoughts here on it.

[Chad32]

I can relate. I think something should be done to protect people on hard times, and animals being abused, but I don't actively do anything about it. I can't really explain it. It's probably a little weird to mention that I believe change needs to be done, but don't actually feel motivated enough to help do it. Not that I go out holding a sign in protest, on top of otherwise doing nothing.

[bennyboy]

People get used to being congratulated just for expressing correct ideas. You'll get 5 dudes with $2000 computers sitting their drinking their Starbucks douche-o-chinos and talking about the desperate plight of Tibetan Buddhists or whatever. However, the chance that any of them would send money, or so much as touch an actual Tibetan outside a sanctioned charity event, is a little less than 1%.

That being said, we ALL hold values we don't fully act on-- because that would automatically mean a life of poverty and complete dedication to a bunch of causes. So you have environmentalists buying Apple products made in Chinese factories, vegans buying vegatables from farms that kill thousands of rodents with pesticides, etc. Tell one of those vegans they aren't really vegan because they are failing to act, and you'll get a strong negative reaction for sure.

Let me ask you this-- do you own a car? If so, how many sandwiches could you buy if you sold the car and made other transportation arrangements?

[Kingpin]

People get used to being congratulated just for expressing correct ideas.  You'll get 5 dudes with $2000 computers sitting their drinking their Starbucks douche-o-chinos and talking about the desperate plight of Tibetan Buddhists or whatever.  However, the chance that any of them would send money, or so much as touch an actual Tibetan outside a sanctioned charity event, is a little less than 1%.

That being said, we ALL hold values we don't fully act on-- because that would automatically mean a life of poverty and complete dedication to a bunch of causes.  So you have environmentalists buying Apple products made in Chinese factories, vegans buying vegatables from farms that kill thousands of rodents with pesticides, etc.  Tell one of those vegans they aren't really vegan because they are failing to act, and you'll get a strong negative reaction for sure.

Let me ask you this-- do you own a car?  If so, how many sandwiches could you buy if you sold the car and made other transportation arrangements?

Oh I won't debate that benny.  Certainly you make good points, it's when someone "claims" to be extremely passionate about something but their lack of some sort of action on the issue merely classifies it as moralizing and not compassion.

[GrandizerII]

It's probably a cognitive/emotional empathy vs. compassionate empathy. The former two types of empathy merely allow you to think or feel the other person's emotional state, while the latter moves you to help the person in need.

[bennyboy]

People get used to being congratulated just for expressing correct ideas.  You'll get 5 dudes with $2000 computers sitting their drinking their Starbucks douche-o-chinos and talking about the desperate plight of Tibetan Buddhists or whatever.  However, the chance that any of them would send money, or so much as touch an actual Tibetan outside a sanctioned charity event, is a little less than 1%.

That being said, we ALL hold values we don't fully act on-- because that would automatically mean a life of poverty and complete dedication to a bunch of causes.  So you have environmentalists buying Apple products made in Chinese factories, vegans buying vegatables from farms that kill thousands of rodents with pesticides, etc.  Tell one of those vegans they aren't really vegan because they are failing to act, and you'll get a strong negative reaction for sure.

Let me ask you this-- do you own a car?  If so, how many sandwiches could you buy if you sold the car and made other transportation arrangements?

Oh I won't debate that benny.  Certainly you make good points, it's when someone "claims" to be extremely passionate about something but their lack of some sort of action on the issue merely classifies it as moralizing and not compassion.

Let me say something.  When I was in my young 20s, I was very interested in the Christian religion.  I didn't care much about death or about heaven, and I didn't really believe in the resurrection or any of the other stories I considered fairy tales.  At that time, I was interested in dicispline.  I was interested in the philosophy of gaining real freedom through complete abandonment of the desires and needs of the self.  I'm not so spiritual now, and not so disciplined.  But this issue has played a big role in my life at times.

In the end, there are only three kinds of people-- those who completely give themselves to a cause literally to the point of poverty or death, those who don't speak about having a cause, and hypocrites.  I'd say 99% of us, including myself, are in that latter category.  But at least some of the 99% will care enough to do some good for others now and then-- and in the end, I'd say that's the basis of all the good in humanity.

As for your friend. . . she'll have her moment, I'm sure, when the desire to give is strong enough.  Maybe she needs to receive something important first-- and who knows what that is?

[Edwardo Piet]

@ KP

I agree for the most part but I think that there are special circumstances.

Say, a very compassionate person who is severely depressed. Cares a great great deal about the suffering of others but their depression makes them have zero motivation for helping others because they're unable to even help themselves.

[Whateverist]

Don't take this the wrong way Kingy but you might just have the makings of a pretty fine atheist.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I get your point about the difference between words and actions, but in pointing it out to her, she may have felt as if you were judging her -- which in one sense you were. You were right in your point itself, but perhaps (as noted above) she was looking for praise, and was let down or even hurt by your point, which I do think could have been made more artfully: "Oh, you're not volunteering right now? Let me know when you can, I work with a couple of charities which could sure use some help" -- said with a smile, y'know.

[God of Mr. Hanky]

So I got in a little trouble with a co-worker today when she was going on about how our city wasn't doing enough to help the homeless.  She claimed she was passionate about helping the homeless.  I thought this was great because I too am passionate and regularly help the homeless in Detroit by bringing them gift bags of essentials and offering time in shelters.  

However, as she went on she claimed she never even met a homeless person in downtown, goes out of her way to avoid them when she visits and never been to a shelter but read that there were only two and that wasn't enough.  I applauded her concern for issue, but I perhaps mistakenly corrected her in that I didn't feel she was passionate about the homeless but was merely moralizing.  She got upset with me, but I did my best to explain it to her.  

The word compassion carries with it these dual senses about making an absolute moral judgement about something AND being prepared to do something about it. So you have compassion in the face of poverty when you make an absolute moral judgement, 'That is wrong! It shouldn't be like that,' and then you're moved from the depth of your being to do something about it. If you're not moved from the depth of your being to do something about it, you don't have compassion, you have moralizing.

She didn't like my explanation.  Curious your thoughts here on it.

For some it isn't whether they are prepared to do something to help the homeless, but whether they are realistically in the position to. Maybe you don't get that, if you've never faced difficulties which are as real as those faced by people who you can actually observe because they are already in the street. When you have to struggle to avoid that situation, you are completely alone. It isn't until you are completely down that people start to care, when there are photo opportunities in it for them, and gold stars for their resumes! I'm glad you aren't ignoring those who could actually die this winter as a result of being outside, but please don't rain piss down on those who have to spend all their time working just to avoid becoming the next to join the street crowd, or are working as much as they can and still can't keep up with the bills. When you're in that situation, there isn't much you can do that would be kinder than to pretend you don't see them. For those who fall in-between, not being a chest-pounding, elitist asshole about it may help recruit some into helping out with what you do. In the meantime, I hope you will be directed by your conscience to fight for the rights of every person in your country to have a roof over their head, even if that means making homelessness just one more of history's grave horrors.