My wife is Christian... i'm not sure what I am.

[IDKWTB]

I don't know what to do.
My wife and I got married one year ago. And in that time, for some reason, I have drifted away from relegion. I was never really "into" christianity, I was just born into a christian home and I fell in love with a christian woman. But I am falling away from the world of relegion more and more every day, and when we go to church, I am usually day dreaming and looking at my watch.

It really hit me the other day when my wife and I got in our car after church and she started to cry. She asked me "Why don't you pray with me?"

I took her hand, gritted my teeth, and said a prayer.

I'm not sure who was on the other end of that prayer, but she felt better afterward.

That was last week, and since then I've been having severe anxiety about my future with my wife. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I tell her that I have no faith, then my marriage is doomed. I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

[theVOID]

Tricky situation mate, not sure if I'll be of much help.

Maybe start off lite, tell her you're a Deist, that you believe in a god but not that Jesus was his son.... Perhaps that will be less of a shock to her. Try something like "I don't believe in Jesus but I'm willing to come and ponder religious thoughts in church with you while you worship him" or something along those lines.

[Kaptinjoo]

I was in a similar situation. Not married yet, but engaged (been together 7 years). My faith started dwindling several months ago and it resulted in a lot of tears and emotional distress for my fiance. I'm now an atheist and she knows it, but am still dragging along to church and saying prayers and that kind of stuff even though I don't believe any of it.

Best of luck, I'm still trying to figure out how best to handle it myself.

[theVOID]

Maybe you guys can for a support group!

[IDKWTB]

This is seriously bothering me.

I don't know what to do.

The anxiety is really getting to me.

How do I bring this up? I know there is never a good time to talk about that sort of thing.

[Minimalist]

IDK,

At some point you are going to have to level with her. The problem with women is that they personalize everything. Even if it isn't about them...they will see it as being about them. This joke captures the idea.

HER STORY:

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar. I thought it
might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say
much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so
I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we
could talk privately.

We went to this restaurant and he's STILL acting a bit funny.
I'm trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it's
me or something I did or something else. I ask him, and he
says no its not me. But you know I'm not really sure. So
anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him
and he just puts his arm around me.

I don't know what the hell that means because you know he
doesn't say it back or anything. We finally get back to his
place and I'm wondering if he's going to dump me! So I try
to talk about it but he just switches on the TV.

Reluctantly I say I'm going to go to sleep.

Then, after about 20 minutes, he joins me and we have sex.
But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just
wanted to leave.

I dunno, I just don't know, what he's thinking anymore. I
mean, do you think he's met someone else???


HIS STORY:
Shitty day at work. Tired. Got laid though!

[Boreasos]

It's a tricky situation, and how you go about it depends on whether you can live a life where you lie to yourself and your wife for the sake of the marriage and your love for eachother.
I will say that if you are thinking of having kids, then you need to have this discussion before that happens. I can guarantee that if you ignore the issue, and have kids, it will come up during their upbringing and it has a good chance of being much worse than if you discussed it beforehand.

I will also point you to a few clips from the Atheist Experience where they talk to a caller about just this issue, and they have some good points.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0AeTV4a_wI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1DH3XOK4EI (in this one the main topic is the partners non-belief in evolution, but some relevant points are made)

[Napoléon]

Personally i think you should just tell her. If she truly loves you then she will continue to do so despite your thoughts on the existance of a god.

You don't have to try and convince her she's wrong, you just have to tell her why you feel the way you do.

I know many people who live together and have very different views on things like this. They just accept each other for what they are, and try not to let it bother them.
It does seem though that your wife sounds like a pretty devout christian, so i guess it's your call. Up to you wether you want to live a white lie or be truthful and honest with yourself and your wife.

PS. The atheist experience is AMAZING

[Kaptinjoo]

This is seriously bothering me.

I don't know what to do.

The anxiety is really getting to me.

How do I bring this up? I know there is never a good time to talk about that sort of thing.

Just don't do what I did. She was feeling especially religious one day and just kept going on about it, then she decided we should have a prayer as a couple as a way to bond with God or something. I was angry at religion as a whole at that point because I felt (and still do feel) like I have been deceived by it my whole life. I just looked at her and said "I don't want to pray anymore. Screw God, that guy is a douchebag." It resulted in hours of crying and was just a horrible way to present my beliefs.

I dunno what the right way is, but don't do what I did.

[KichigaiNeko]

I don't know what to do.
My wife and I got married one year ago. And in that time, for some reason, I have drifted away from relegion. I was never really "into" christianity, I was just born into a christian home and I fell in love with a christian woman. But I am falling away from the world of relegion more and more every day, and when we go to church, I am usually day dreaming and looking at my watch.

First thing to do is DON'T PANIC (I'm sure I've got a cute little icon somewhere but for the life of me I can't find it right now)
So you have done the society "thing" and gotten married...did you think that this was the end of the story? A relationship NEEDS WORK!! It is quite frankly irrelevant what religious slant you put on it. So you find the whole "xtian thing" empty and shallow?? Have you spoken to her about your feelings?? Do YOU KNOW your feelings??

It really hit me the other day when my wife and I got in our car after church and she started to cry. She asked me "Why don't you pray with me?"

So she is after "intimacy" and thinks that it is through prayer she can have this...can you not think of other ways that you can be "intimate" with her ( that does not involve sex...yes I know it is a male thing but females don't work that way.) Sorry baby boy but females see the world through their ears. Have you told her "My life is SO much better with you in it" ..well have you spoken the words...have you?

I took her hand, gritted my teeth, and said a prayer.

And that prayer was??

I'm not sure who was on the other end of that prayer, but she felt better afterward.

You satisfied her "need" for intimacy...there was no 'who'

That was last week, and since then I've been having severe anxiety about my future with my wife. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I tell her that I have no faith, then my marriage is doomed. I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

Do you have 'love' for this woman??

Should the answer be yes then you will "fill her love tank" with words that reassure her that you are THERE for her ...no matter what she wants to do. Should she want to become a buddhist ..you will support that..should she want to become the CEO of General Electric ...you will support THAT... Should she worry about the prayer thingy...say"I thank what ever forces brought you to me every day" shit man do you have NO romantic streak in you??

You will fill the empty moments with a look of love and a touch of her hair and a "Just luv ya"

It would seem that your initial panic is "How do I compete with a deity"... DON'T just be the loving YOU that she fell in love with and wants to spend the rest of her life with. Don't let her change you. You don't the need the "Home Improvement Committee"

I hope these thoughts will be of assistance...cos I had to wait 30 years to find someone who would do the above for me. Stay firm in your beliefs.... no doubt they will change over the decades.