(August 20, 2016 at 1:58 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote: Nah, you're exagerating. You'd do the same thing I would. You'd be concerned with becoming/remaining the best at what you did that got you all rich and famous to begin with, and then you'd slowly retire with a plan in mind to take care of your public life as well as make time for a private one.

Dude, I'm telling you know...I'd make a Kitty Kannon.  My wife has five cats, all she needs is a tshirt that says "I've never felt the touch of a man"....just the thought of it makes my eye twitch with morbid delight.

(August 20, 2016 at 2:07 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote:

(August 20, 2016 at 12:40 pm)Alasdair Ham Wrote: I do love myself and my mouth used to be able to reach to pleasurable places.

I'm not joking.

Ick.

facepalm

Yum.

I came, I conquered. With emphasis on the came. That part was less pleasurable. I don't like too much salt.

(August 20, 2016 at 2:08 pm)Rhythm Wrote:

(August 20, 2016 at 1:58 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote: Nah, you're exagerating. You'd do the same thing I would. You'd be concerned with becoming/remaining the best at what you did that got you all rich and famous to begin with, and then you'd slowly retire with a plan in mind to take care of your public life as well as make time for a private one.

Dude, I'm telling you know...I'd make a Kitty Kannon.  My wife has five cats, all she needs is a tshirt that says "I've never felt the touch of a man"....just the thought of it makes my eye twitch with morbid delight.

Morbid delight is deliciously intense because morbid.

Let me just take the time to interject here, and ask a serious question.  Can a man not get into the motherfucking hall of wit and epicness............

(August 20, 2016 at 12:48 pm)Rhythm Wrote: Yup, and as it turns out the way to stop was precisely the thing the disorder strongly suggest against - which is why it's such a tight position, why it;s persistent and destructive unless you seek out treatment, or have it thrust upon you in review.

The silver lining, for me anyway, was that the experience opened my eyes pretty damned wide as regards who I am, why I do what I do, it challenged assumptions I made about myself...and let me realize that there were things I hadn't even considered.

It made me obsessively interested in theories of mind, and I used work..just long hard hours of work...as a way to keep myself out of situations that might cause me to engage in those behaviors while I was learning to distance myself from it....and I'd like to think that I became a better trainer because of it, in a roundabout way.  Before that, I was your classic lazy shit of a range NCO.  Do what I say because I'm right, hooah, I know my shit back to front and you don't.  Pass fail pass fail pass fail, fuck you get out of my range i don;t care whether or not you feel confident in your knowledge or that my disinterest might get you killed.  This is the infantry crybaby, suck it up.  Beforte that I expected to move up (and had moved up) just by "putting in the time"...and it wasn't until after my little incident that I really put in the effort required to become proficient, rather than to be able to present myself as someone who seemed proficient.  I stopped being a shitbag and became an effective joe, rather than just a trigger pulling gorilla.

(it didn't pay out, btw, I never saw another promotion, no recognition came my way on account of it....- they love that hooah shit, that's how you add bars to your chevrons- but I feel good about it, so that counts for something, lol)

People never know what they want out of you. I know this first-hand.

(August 20, 2016 at 1:50 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote:

(August 20, 2016 at 10:57 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote: Kudos me more and I may kudos you more

A kudos whore. Great. Right on topic.

Indeed.

(August 20, 2016 at 2:10 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote: People never know what they want out of you. I know this first-hand.

Everything fulfils a need. They know what they want: to enjoy the company of others, to like others -- they just can't always define what they like about others or how they get it from them.

(August 20, 2016 at 1:01 pm)Rhythm Wrote: To make an honest expression of who you are to another person, come what may.

See, I think that's complete fucking bullshit and it can only work against you in the long run. Unless being yourself is actually criminal, or you're an idiot that changing yourself wouldn't make that much of a difference for you, you should be yourself, and let the world accept you for who you are.

It's hard to talk about these things because people tend to generalize about solutions. There is nothing that works for everyone. That's stupid to think that there is(I'm not saying you did).

In that context, as it turns out, the infantry just wasnt the best fit for me...because it breeds and reinforces the very things that ultimately manifested themselves as a disorder.  We're -trained- to think we're better than everyone else.  That we're different..hell..that we can't die.  No one who honestly considers that can rush a pillbox.  It demands that we assume the mask as who we are...rewards us for it...and punishes us for any lapse in that character. I want to write a book about it...but I just don;t know if what I have to say is worthwhile or could -fill- a book. I;ve wanted to do so since reading "The Things They Carried" - particularly the chapter "How to Tell a True War Story" -which you can find online for free..if you're a reader.

"It was a -love- story, you silly cooze"

To the above...you might need to reread the comments. We're advocating for the same thing. It was bullshit, not to be myself, but that's what NPD is about, the projection and maintenance of a false self, and how that negatively impacts your life and the lives of those around you.

(August 20, 2016 at 2:13 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote:

(August 20, 2016 at 1:01 pm)Rhythm Wrote: To make an honest expression of who you are to another person, come what may.

See, I think that's complete fucking bullshit and it can only work against you in the long run. Unless being yourself is actually criminal, or you're an idiot that changing yourself wouldn't make that much of a difference for you, you should be yourself, and let the world accept you for who you are.

It's hard to talk about these things because people tend to generalize about solutions. There is nothing that works for everyone. That's stupid to think that there is(I'm not saying you did).

See, I read further, and I can see I misunderstood that. You were saying people should be themselves, I thought you were saying the opposite.