I was born into a Mennonite home. My parents were missionaries and we were very religious. Early, I "felt the call" and desired to be "sanctified." While other kids played, I sought sanctification. I was 11.

At 12, probably from this madness, I developed anorexia. It was complicated by my religiosity. I was treatment resistant because "God would heal me." My parents agreed and instead of getting me back to the states for care, they let it go. Well, He didn't heal me. By the times I did get state side, it was too late....I became disabled. Score one for Reason.

At 17 I was still sick with eating disorders yet had not let go of God. It was my fault, lack of faith etc. During this time I met another Christian man who had been Jewish. He was a convert and he was 35.

I married him at 18 and for the first time in my life I was no longer afraid of Hell- because I was in it. There are no words to explain the horrors I endured, some in the name of religion as he was prominent in the church. I won't bother, but if you have ever been abused by a priest etc., I need not explain.

I turned from God but found I could not get my mind free of the patterns that had been hammered into me. I would still pray, but it was more blasphemy (no guilt by this time). But I could not get free.

I was in a pathological relationship and God was the stalker.

I tried the Catholics because it was so hard to get it out of my head. When the RCIA director heard I had been abused by a religious figure and it would be hard for me to be around a lot of people in the big Sunday mass, she said, "Well, why do you want to be Catholic?!" (Only 15% of Catholics go to Big Mass!)

Then I tried a few other religions.....Jewish, Islam..and none of it made any sense. I practiced Buddhism for a while because it helped psychologically, but rejected all religious issues. Then the group started a weird chant and I said forget it.

I am older now, almost 50 and it has been a life of hell. When you are a survivor you find other survivors who also disprove God.

I have watched my friends who suffer and pray just keep suffering. One committed suicide, his last words "Jesus you know why I am doing this." Another gave up a kidney (he is on dialysis) because "God would heal" him. (He is still on dialysis) I have seen more religious people kill themselves than atheists. Almost 7.

I still cannot get God out of my head, and I have heard this theme on atheist forums a lot. It's like brain damage and why should it not be? To tell a child to believe in a thing that is supposed to make everything right, to tell them he is in you, around you........It's madness.

My sister also became an atheist and is active in atheist rights. My two brothers did not and one preaches. But they don't judge me. They think it has to do with my mental health issues, but I think they are the crazy ones for looking to the air for answers and ignoring truth.

I would warn anyone to stay far away from religion. If you are the least bit sensitive and if life hits you hard, you will live in more hell than they ever created to scare people at the council of Nicea.

Bart Erhman is right. Suffering is God's problem all right because there is nothing else that disproves an "All powerful, all loving God" than suffering. It trumps God every single time.

Hi Rachel

Welcome along and a very moving story. In a way it reminds me of this.

http://articles.exchristian.net/2006/06/...ancer.html

Hope you have a happy time here.

Welcome aboard Rachel I am sorry you had it so rough but I too understand and feel your pain. Darwinian that article was exactly how I felt and I think most of us ex-christians felt after we found the strength and the courage to cast aside those ridiculous beliefs and move on with our lives. It actually took me about 3 years to get rid of the fear of hell and the wrath of God from my mind. I once said in another forum that I left the church with great fear and trepidation a sort of dread followed me around for three years until I was able to shake it.

It is the same as being a part of a cult where your indoctrination goes so deep that it takes a miracle to get it out. Some people unfortunately never recover. I think the more committed you are to your beliefs the harder it is to shake them when you decide that they are not true. Rachel once again thanks for sharing your story.

That's a– I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure I can't even imagine. I'm sorry. I do hope you enjoy your time here, though, Rachel.

That's a very sad story. Hopefully, life will look up for you now that you're on the side of the godless. And God, that useless, non-existent prick can go and screw himself if he wants us to worship him.

Indeed a very sad story, and my heart goes out to you. Reality check tho'... I see no proof.

Heh- You're right!

Never mention "proof" in the house of the atheist.

Sorry! And thanks for the reality check. That's why we are all here, eh? :-D

That was a sad story indeed.

Welcome to the forums Rachel.

I'm very sorry for your tough life, but thank you for sharing it with us. It reminds me of how fortunate I really am.

(August 19, 2010 at 12:55 am)HeyItsZeus Wrote: I'm very sorry for your tough life, but thank you for sharing it with us. It reminds me of how fortunate I really am.

Thank you, Hey. No, I am the fortunate one because now I am not afraid of "hell" and can't be fooled by threatening rhetoric and philosophies that have no basis. It's probably why psychology never helped me with all this because psychology is just modern day sophistry with no real science behind it.

But maybe The Great Feta Cheese may help me?