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limericks!
#81
RE: limericks!
(November 20, 2015 at 7:16 pm)Sejanus Wrote:
(November 20, 2015 at 7:14 pm)pgrimes15 Wrote: There once was a Franciscan monk.
Who went to sleep on a bunk.
He dreamt that Venus was sucking his elbow.
And woke up covered in spunk.
fixed that for you.

Think you've only done half the job though.
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. — Edward Gibbon

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#82
RE: limericks!
You're not suggesting he cocked it up?
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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#83
RE: limericks!
11/22/2015

A priest, verbose and bombastic
Had a problem, urgent and drastic
There's a dwindling band
Of newbie priests and . . . 
Then celibacy = unenthusiastic

We women were bored and nonplussed
His plea did not include us
For reasons unknown
 - He has to get blown?
Church "magic" requires a penis

His pleas for our help sounded iffy
The church will need help in a jiffy
Needed: earnest young men
Kneeling, shouting "amen!"
The very thought gives him a stiffy.

-- A visit from the "vocations director" this a.m.  They know that young men aren't entering the seminary - - PARTICULARLY to become priests.  But they aren't changing anything.  If the church would remove the celibacy requirement, (or- accept women - but that will never happen - ) they might have some success, but no . . .
   They've got recruiting problems for more reasons than they think.  1) Even the young men who attend the prestigious Jesuit school in my neighborhood don't really believe.  Many guys from that school have told me that the vast majority of their class was just going through the motions of confirmation to keep their parents happy.  2) And even in that all-male, Catholic student population, it's uncool to be homophobic.  So if there are any devout gay Catholics there, they no longer believe that if they enter the priesthood, god will "cure" them.  
  Yeah, there is a priest shortage.  I'll bet that it's going to keep getting worse.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
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#84
RE: limericks!
A few about Trump and his republicunt cronies by Madeline Kane:

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the “clown car” and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, “Media bias!”

Planned ignorance, such is the scheme
That conservatives love — what a dream:
Withhold info that’s needed
And ought to be heeded.
That’s the key to get wins for their team.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
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#85
RE: limericks!
(November 20, 2015 at 7:22 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Try:

A dozen, a gross and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.

That's pretty clever. I agonized over it for about eleven seconds and said "fuck it" and ordered another drink.
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#86
RE: limericks!
Quantum, AKA Alex K, threatened to write a limerick about one of our favorite AF trolls today.  I say go for it!  He's quite good.  But, this AF troll already has at least four limericks created in his honor . . . I think . . . I'd have to go count 'em up.   But we don't want other trolls to feel left out, do we?  Surely not.  

What do you think about these?

There once was a poster named Delicate
Whose behavior was more like a Hell-i-cat
Claimed we were all stupid,
Crooked, clueless, deluded,
They were trolling, just for the Hell of it.

Said we lack the intellectual capacity
to respond with any veracity
We stated our views
But could not defuse
hateful posts that were wrapped in mendacity.

The title of "Logician" was claimed
Our incompetence loudly proclaimed
The ego-theistical fool
Destroyed all logic rule
And would not admit their own shame.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
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#87
RE: limericks!
There's a poster whose name shant be spoken,
His mind most assuredly was broken,
He was a huge creep,
He showed us his peep,
And something that I'm sure wasn't lotion.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
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#88
RE: limericks!
There's a place we call A-69,
The women, oh boy, are they fine,
All the members---in limbo,
For Milk Chocolate Bimbo,
Behind Losty, my friends, there's a line.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
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#89
RE: limericks!
One member, a Delicate flower,
thinks reason to faith owes its power.
For believing in facts is in fact a belief
and faith in belief is just such a relief.
I think I'll go take a shower.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#90
RE: limericks!
All the members on the AF.org rolls,
have a particular attraction to trolls.
Like moths to a flame,
we all seek to shame,
to fill their fake logic with holes.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
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