Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[brewer]

Hey you. Tell me what to think about you. Cause I have a feeling. A lot of different feelings, actually. And don't know what to do about you.

Just throw me on the floor and have your way with me. We'll talk after.

[Ravenshire]

CIJS...

Stop it. Both of you just fucking stop it! You weren't supposed to grow up and get all independent. Gah... It was just last week I was changing your diapers... Why are you doing this to me?!?

I'm so proud and yet, so broken hearted that you've outgrown your dependence on me. You're both so beautiful, so strong, so...

I love you both so much and it's killing me that you won't need me to shelter and protect you any longer.

[Athene]

Trust me GB, they still need you. 
And chances are, they'll be back.

[Jackalope]

CIJS - you people who are provoking violence at what are supposed to be peaceful protests need to get intimate with a goddamn barrel cactus.

[Longhorn]

Hey you. Tell me what to think about you. Cause I have a feeling. A lot of different feelings, actually. And don't know what to do about you.

And, just like that, gone. Maybe that's a good thing though. Let's let the past stay in the past.

[J a c k]

CIJS?

I was sitting there, because my buddy insisted that he knew what he was doing. That, plus you're pretty hot. Gotsta admit. You hand me a dos equis, and I'm like... fuck it. I won't be a snob. I'll drink it. I don't always have to drink craft. You watch me take a drink out of the bottle and your mouth starts spitting out all this anti-craft nonsense.
You: what makes a craft beer craft? Just a label.
Me: Wrong lady, dude. Change subject.
You: If I make a hotdog and add noodles to it, does that make it craft?
Me:  
You: I know I just made you think.

This goes on for a while.

Then I mention my cats, because they're my children.

You: Fuck cats.
Me: Um... what?
You: If I were to visit you, you'd have to put your cats away.
Me: what?
You: In the bathroom, or something. (You laugh hard) Why don't you just get rid of them?

I look around trying to find something else to talk about, but you go back to talking about the stupidity of drinking craft beer. I'm thinking... maybe I'm just too difficult. I need to stop being such a dick. I make a joke.

Me: next thing, you'll tell me you're Republican.
You: Fuck no. Fuck politics. They're dumb.

Can I just say to my buddy who made this recommendation? The fuck were you thinking, ey? How the fuck did that cross your mind? Is this some sort of joke? Imma get you back for this.

Can I just say to the cat/craft/politics hater? Sorry, yo, but your pretty face does not make up for that failed conversation. Also, I'll never put my cats away. I'll put myself away first. Sheyet.

Also... I just met you. HELL no, you don't get to meet my kids.

THE FUCK?! Lol #fail

[brewer]

You have the best worst conversations.

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

CIJS,

Last night, I watched the Star Trek: Enterprise episode "Judgement" (Season 2, episode 19), and IMO, an interesting dialog transpired between Captain Archer (commander of the Enterprise) and the Klingon advocate Kolos. 

Background.

Archer has been charged with conspiring against the Klingon Empire, which carries the sentence of death.  Specifically, Captain Duras testified that Archer attacked his ship and prevented him from destroying a rebel ship that posed a great threat to the Klingon Empire.  

Now, in the scene prior to the dialog between Kolos and Archer, Kolos gave an eloquent delivery in the tribunal which persuaded the Klingon judge to allow Archer to tell his side of the story (up to this point, the trial had been one-sided: the Klingon judge was unwilling to hear Archer's side).  Specifically, Archer prevented Captain Duras from destroying the crew on a helpless spaceship near Klingon territory: this ship was heavily damaged, and the crew, who saw themselves as refugees from the Klingon Empire, urgently needed medical attention. As a result of this action and other benevolent actions that Archer demonstrated toward the Klingons, Kolos finished his presentation by concluding that Archer is honorable and has performed courageous deeds that have constructively benefited the Klingon Empire.  Thus, immediately following this scene, Archer and Kolos are in Archer's cell awaiting the decision from the Klingon tribunal. 

Dialog between Archer and Kolos in Archer's cell:

Archer: How many cases have you won?

Kolos: Oh...I'm not sure.  Over 200, but that was a long time ago when the tribunal was a forum for the truth and not a tool for the warrior class.

Archer: There are other classes?

Kolos: You didn't believe all Klingons were soldiers?

Archer: I guess I did.

Kolos: Ahhh (Kolos sighs)...my father was a teacher--my mother, a biologist at the university.  They encouraged me to take up the law.  Now, all young people want to do is take up weapons as soon as they can hold them.  They're told there's honor in victory--any victory.  What honor is there in a victory over a weaker opponent?  Had Duras destroyed that ship, he would've been lauded as a hero of the empire for murdering helpless refugees.  Ahhh (Kolos sighs)...we were a great society not so long ago, when honor was earned through integrity and acts of true courage, not senseless bloodshed.

Archer: For thousands of years my people had similar problems.  We fought three world wars that almost destroyed us.  Whole generations were nearly wiped out.

Kolos: What changed?

Archer: A few courageous people began to realize they could make a difference.

[Fireball]

CIJS?

I was sitting there, because my buddy insisted that he knew what he was doing. That, plus you're pretty hot. Gotsta admit. You hand me a dos equis, and I'm like... fuck it. I won't be a snob. I'll drink it. I don't always have to drink craft. You watch me take a drink out of the bottle and your mouth starts spitting out all this anti-craft nonsense.
You: what makes a craft beer craft? Just a label.
Me: Wrong lady, dude. Change subject.
You: If I make a hotdog and add noodles to it, does that make it craft?
Me:  
You: I know I just made you think.

This goes on for a while.

Then I mention my cats, because they're my children.

You: Fuck cats.
Me: Um... what?
You: If I were to visit you, you'd have to put your cats away.
Me: what?
You: In the bathroom, or something. (You laugh hard) Why don't you just get rid of them?

I look around trying to find something else to talk about, but you go back to talking about the stupidity of drinking craft beer. I'm thinking... maybe I'm just too difficult. I need to stop being such a dick. I make a joke.

Me: next thing, you'll tell me you're Republican.
You: Fuck no. Fuck politics. They're dumb.

Can I just say to my buddy who made this recommendation? The fuck were you thinking, ey? How the fuck did that cross your mind? Is this some sort of joke? Imma get you back for this.

Can I just say to the cat/craft/politics hater? Sorry, yo, but your pretty face does not make up for that failed conversation. Also, I'll never put my cats away. I'll put myself away first. Sheyet.

Also... I just met you. HELL no, you don't get to meet my kids.

THE FUCK?! Lol #fail

CIJS, your friend should be rewarded for this date with a can of PBR?

[SteelCurtain]

CIJS, your friend should be rewarded for this date with a can of PBR?

This. Punish him with the beer that skips a step and immediately tastes like beer vomit.