Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Losty]

Cijs- my heart wants you and my body wants you and I think even my mind wants you, so Wth is stopping me? I don’t know. If I had a soul, I’d say my soul needs to be free.

[Cod]

Can I just say... I hope you are happy now, you waited and waited then at the last possible second you did it. You let me think that I was a winner for a while and then snatched them away from me... Enjoy your Ebay purchase... I hope they're broken.

[KevinM1]

CIJS -

I hate this project. Hate it. It's something that should've started 2-3 years ago. It's something that you should be involved in because it's for your fucking business. I'm 100% burnt out because I care more about it than you do. I need to get it done before the holidays because, holy shit, it should've been done months ago. But between you never giving me any fucking input, and me not sleeping and having prolonged depression this summer, it's now October.

Ugh.

At least 99% of the technical work is done. Now it's just about making it all look pretty and testing. And then I'll be free. And paid.

[Bob Kelso]

CIJSAIBH

I love you fuckers, especially you Minnie.

[*Deidre*]

CIJS, I tire of the herd mentality on here and irl. It’s just a shame that some can’t think for themselves.

[brewer]

CIJS, I tire of the herd mentality on here and irl. It’s just a shame that some can’t think for themselves.

[Losty]

Cijs- It’s been a few years since we’ve talked. I wish I could have said so many things. I wish I could have went through all the old photos with you instead in preparation for your funeral. I wish so many things. I know you had a long life but it should have been longer. Part of me is angry with you. Part of me wants to know how you could do this to everyone who loved and cared for you, especially grandma. Did you consider how this would affect her? Did you feel guilty for knowing she’d have to find you like that, for knowing she’d have to live the rest of her life remembering you like that? I don’t want to be angry though, my heart is broken for you. For knowing that you were all alone in that moment, and for knowing just how it feels to get to that point. My heart is broken for everyone. I only got a few days to deal with this and now I have to force myself to go back to normal life, pretending things are normal is harder than I thought it would be. I cried again today. I’ll probably cry again tomorrow. Everyone says time will ease the pain, but in my experience it doesn’t, it just makes it easier to pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore.

I want to hug everyone I’ve ever loved. I want to take every chance I get to show people just how much they mean to me. I want to take more pictures, and make more memories. I’ve given up on my hatred of hugs. Life is too short to not hug people.

[J a c k]

---

Cijs- It’s been a few years since we’ve talked. I wish I could have said so many things. I wish I could have went through all the old photos with you instead in preparation for your funeral. I wish so many things. I know you had a long life but it should have been longer. Part of me is angry with you. Part of me wants to know how you could do this to everyone who loved and cared for you, especially grandma. Did you consider how this would affect her? Did you feel guilty for knowing she’d have to find you like that, for knowing she’d have to live the rest of her life remembering you like that? I don’t want to be angry though, my heart is broken for you. For knowing that you were all alone in that moment, and for knowing just how it feels to get to that point. My heart is broken for everyone. I only got a few days to deal with this and now I have to force myself to go back to normal life, pretending things are normal is harder than I thought it would be. I cried again today. I’ll probably cry again tomorrow. Everyone says time will ease the pain, but in my experience it doesn’t, it just makes it easier to pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore.

I want to hug everyone I’ve ever loved. I want to take every chance I get to show people just how much they mean to me. I want to take more pictures, and make more memories. I’ve given up on my hatred of hugs. Life is too short to not hug people.

---

Oh, Losty. My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[DodosAreDead]

CIJS

---

It fucking sucks to play out the same scene over and over and over without respite, except that this isn't practice for a play, it's real life. It's like I'm the only one who can sense that it's gonna start again, and I'm the only one who has no power to stop it. You both know what it does to the rest of the hour, day, to the rest of the week. You're both adults. You're both privileged. You should know better. But it's been 12 years and you still keep making the same. freaking. mistakes. And I'm not sorry for wanting to leave anymore. I love you both more than you know, and I will never want to not have you, but we can't keep playing this scene. 

---

[KevinM1]

CIJS -

I'm pretty sure I'm becoming anti-social IRL. It's not that I hate other people outright (although I have increasingly less patience dealing with them), but rather that the effort needed to actually be engaging and personable doesn't seem worth it. It's just draining.