Married to a Christian

[Galileo]

Hi guys...

is anyone here an atheist married to someone who practices a religion actively?

If so, I have the following questions for you.

how on earth do you deal with it?

what kind of compremises have you had to make?

I found out a few months ago that my husband actually didn't know I was an atheist. There was no big religious discussion about our wedding, because under swiss law I had to marry him in the town hall, so there could be no religious celebration, and the question therefore never came up. It did however ask me my religion on the form, and I had the interpreter put down Atheist, but my husband must not have been listening or something.

My husband just assumed I believed in god, something that I find annoying in itself.

but now he knows I don't, and this is an issue for me. It was an issue last year, when he wanted me to attend midnight mass with him and I refused to do so on principle.

since then we have had any number of arguments over all kinds of things...and it's wearing me out, I can tell you.

I just don't know what to do about it.

[LastPoet]

My wife is christian, catholic as she says, but she doesn't practice it and it really doesn't play a part in our lives.

[Justtristo]

Hi guys...

is anyone here an atheist married to someone who practices a religion actively?

If so, I have the following questions for you.

how on earth do you deal with it?

what kind of compremises have you had to make?

I found out a few months ago that my husband actually didn't know I was an atheist. There was no big religious discussion about our wedding, because under swiss law I had to marry him in the town hall, so there could be no religious celebration, and the question therefore never came up. It did however ask me my religion on the form, and I had the interpreter put down Atheist, but my husband must not have been listening or something.

My husband just assumed I believed in god, something that I find annoying in itself.

but now he knows I don't, and this is an issue for me. It was an issue last year, when he wanted me to attend midnight mass with him and I refused to do so on principle.

since then we have had any number of arguments over all kinds of things...and it's wearing me out, I can tell you.

I just don't know what to do about it.

Do you know how religiously observant your husband is or how seriously he takes his beliefs (Roman Catholic I am assuming)?

Because a lot of people who consider themselves Christians aren't particularly observant or take their beliefs really seriously. I worry more about the ones who are very observant and take their faith quite seriously. Because those people worry about you not being 'saved' and suffering for all entirety in hell after you die.

[Galileo]

Do you know how religiously observant your husband is or how seriously he takes his beliefs (Roman Catholic I am assuming)?

Because a lot of people who consider themselves Christians aren't particularly observant or take their beliefs really seriously. I worry more about the ones who are very observant and take their faith quite seriously. Because those people worry about you not being 'saved' and suffering for all entirety in hell after you die.

pretty seriously. all his children from his first marriage are confirmed etc, and while he doesn't go to church every week, he does attempt to go once a month or so. He is also embarrassed about the fact that I have 'no religion' as he puts it. he often urges me not to tell his friends etc.

[Zen Badger]

Buy some atheist T-shirts

[Faith No More]

My wife is christian, catholic as she says, but she doesn't practice it and it really doesn't play a part in our lives.

Me too.

[Cinjin]

Seriously? How can you have possbily married someone who is devout and NOT known this?? How can this be for real??? I'm having a hard time buying that this is for real.

I don't know ANY devout christians who would marry someone without even asking them what they believe.

For this to be true, one of three things must be true

1: You two are the most naive people on earth, in which case you should both just become Christians --- fitting right in.
2: You got married after only spending a week together in a shotgun marriage.
3: You both kinda knew what the other one was, but didn't want to address it because you knew somewhere in your mind that it could end the relationship.

It's number 3 isn't it?

NOBODY gets married to someone without having SOME KIND of idea about what they believe. (well, unless, the answer is number 1)

[Minimalist]

Buy some atheist T-shirts

Here's a selection:

[Anomalocaris]

My GF is a Buddhist, but she tells me it's not a religion.

[Galileo]

those shirts are brilliant! where can I get those?

Seriously? How can you have possbily married someone who is devout and NOT known this?? How can this be for real??? I'm having a hard time buying that this is for real.

I don't know ANY devout christians who would marry someone without even asking them what they believe.

yes because I would really make up a story like this for fun...

A church wedding was never open to us because I came from Australia and he is a Swiss. in these situations the only option is a town hall wedding by the local government. all up, we had spent about 4 months in each others actual company. and that's stretching it a bit, because I went to other countries while I stayed with him. during this time, he didn't attend church except at christmas time, and I went with him purely to be close to him, I thought it was just something he did at that time of year etc, and I regretted going with him after I went because it felt like such a betrayal of my own beliefs.

of all religions, catholicism is my least favourite.

2: You got married after only spending a week together in a shotgun marriage.

this is sort of true. though we had known one another online for a year previously.

3: You both kinda knew what the other one was, but didn't want to address it because you knew somewhere in your mind that it could end the relationship.

this is also sort of true, but more of me than him, and I don't really actually care, as long as we just don't talk about it and he respects my beliefs as much as I'm prepared to respect him. he can go to church, I don't give a rats if he does. but I do care if he starts insisting that I do, or that I lie about what I am.

I genuinely believe he didn't understand that it wasn't just that I hadn't been brought up with a specific religion, but that I didn't believe in god at all.