Strict Parenting

[Gleneere]

I'm going to start off with the fact that my parents are and have always been the opposite of strict. Although I love them to death, I won't get punished worse than doing an extra chore, and the punishment never lasts for longer than a day or two.... The punishment is almost always minor anyway..

My point is, I've always done fine in school but never exceptional because of the "grit" required to accomplish some work.. Basically my only motivation in school was intrinsic because I never had the fear of being punished or even reprimanded.

Many of us know the stereotype of Asians being excellent academically, but my observation has taught me (I knew a lot of so-called stereotypical Asians in high school) that nearly 90% of the reason they do well is because of extrinsic motivation from their parents, family members, other Asian peer pressure, etc.

What I want to know from you guys is whether you think that strict parenting is healthy. I for one feel like I haven't even reached near my potential because I didn't have to. I agree being lenient means a happier life now, but likely a less happy life later on.

I am 18 right now, but for at least 5 years I've been wishing my parents were a little more strict, so that it is that much harder to goof off. I understand the whole concept where I am in control of my life and that only I am accountable for my actions, but at the same time I think it is important to realize just how much we are influenced by those who raise us.

I think that strict parents can create a sort of habit for hard work in us that makes it easier to get down and dirty. This isn't to say I blame my parents for anything, as I'm sure I love them more now then if they were hawk-eye strict, but I also think that it could be super beneficial.

What are your thoughts?

[Sejanus]

I agree with you, my parents weren't that strict on me as far as school, and I feel I could have gotten much higher marks if they were. Like consistently A+ rather than mostly B's and some A's

[SteelCurtain]

There's a happy medium for everything. There is a certain amount of work ethic that you show your children and imbue them with, and then there is a time when you let them make their own mistakes with less correction.

You gave to get things together on your own. You're 18 now. And adult. Maybe your parents weren't perfect, but you have to stop allowing that to be even the remotest excuse for you to not get what you want. Life won't hand you anything. You have to go out and get it. And it takes work. The things you do reflect on your name, and your name is priceless. So do things well. Always.

[BrokenQuill92]

Although I was given most things I wanted materially, academically my parents were very hard on me and my brother. My mother more so than my father. Admittedly I do have a bit of a complex about how I view myself.

[Gleneere]

You gave to get things together on your own. You're 18 now. And adult. Maybe your parents weren't perfect, but you have to stop allowing that to be even the remotest excuse for you to not get what you want. Life won't hand you anything. You have to go out and get it. And it takes work. The things you do reflect on your name, and your name is priceless. So do things well. Always.

Oh I agree totally. Everything I do is my problem now, I'm not going to blame my parents. On the other hand, I'd say you could call it a bit of a convenience to be given the motivational supplement at the younger age that allowed one to gain more achievements and thus an easier time from ages 18 onwards.

Many of my stereotypical Asian friends were given the gift of a great academic record as a young kid (due to their strict parents), and even if at the age of 18+ we both were to do things perfectly, they'll still be able to perhaps relax at a younger age or just take it a little easier later on.

Again, I'm not here to complain about how terrible my parents were, because they weren't, I'm just asking, do you think it is a good strategy for parents to be more strict than lenient?

Although I was given most things I wanted materially, academically my parents were very hard on me and my brother. My mother more so than my father. Admittedly I do have a bit of a complex about how I view myself.

Would you say this "complex" overshadows any of the accomplishments that your parents' strictness gave you? Did the strict parenting help at all?

[BrokenQuill92]

You gave to get things together on your own. You're 18 now. And adult. Maybe your parents weren't perfect, but you have to stop allowing that to be even the remotest excuse for you to not get what you want. Life won't hand you anything. You have to go out and get it. And it takes work. The things you do reflect on your name, and your name is priceless. So do things well. Always.

Oh I agree totally. Everything I do is my problem now, I'm not going to blame my parents. On the other hand, I'd say you could call it a bit of a convenience to be given the motivational supplement at the younger age that allowed one to gain more achievements and thus an easier time from ages 18 onwards.

Many of my stereotypical Asian friends were given the gift of a great academic record as a young kid (due to their strict parents), and even if at the age of 18+ we both were to do things perfectly, they'll still be able to perhaps relax at a younger age or just take it a little easier later on.

Again, I'm not here to complain about how terrible my parents were, because they weren't, I'm just asking, do you think it is a good strategy for parents to be more strict than lenient?

Although I was given most things I wanted materially, academically my parents were very hard on me and my brother. My mother more so than my father. Admittedly I do have a bit of a complex about how I view myself.

Would you say this "complex" overshadows any of the accomplishments that your parents' strictness gave you? Did the strict parenting help at all?

Yes of course it helped. I'm an Type A over achiever of highest calibre, I've never let my GPA slip below a 3.5. I think such a thing might demand seppuku. (Just Kidding) Being blind, black, female, and "supposedly" pretty I always wonder about someone's motives when I'm taking on a task or job. I don't want to fill a quota. I don't want charity. I'm not a sex toy. You could say I have a fear of being seen stereotypical in any way, and my self-confidence is rather small.

[Losty]

Hmm it really depends on what you mean by strict. My parents were strict. I do not condone their parenting style, ever. I don't know the answer to your question, I suppose parents should just try to do their very best to do what's right for their children and that's the best they can do.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

I think it's got to be a mixture of carrot and stick.

My parents were the polar opposites; my dad was an NCO in a section of the British special forces (SBS) and my mom was just, well, an administrator at a University.

My dad was very tough on things whilst my mom, whilst very much academically minded (she eventually got a Masters whilst looking after me and my disabled younger brother) was more of "you can do whatever you put your mind to!" kind of woman.

I ended up succeeding quite successfully at school and later University to the point where I'm now doing a PhD. I think a mix definitely helped though.

[archangle]

yes. What you are speaking to is the notion of "being reasonable". The only trouble that arises is when stupid people think their way is the only way. look at city schools in the usa to prove your point.

Good job.

[Cato]

The Tiger Mom parenting style isn't what most imagine it is:

The first major study of tiger moms is out. The kids have worse grades, and they are more depressed and more alienated from their parents.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/d..._work.html



My experience sounds much like Sejanus'. School came easy for me; I made As and Bs while taking all the egghead classes. I didn't miss any assignments, but had plenty of time for discovery (fucking around).