Strict Parenting

[Gleneere]

Yes of course it helped. I'm an Type A over achiever of highest calibre, I've never let my GPA slip below a 3.5. I think such a thing might demand seppuku. (Just Kidding) Being blind, black, female, and "supposedly" pretty I always wonder about someone's motives when I'm taking on a task or job. I don't want to fill a quota. I don't want charity. I'm not a sex toy. You could say I have a fear of being seen stereotypical in any way, and my self-confidence is rather small.

I'm sorry, did you say you were blind? Just got to make sure I understood.

Besides that, I'm not sure why you transitioned into not wanting to be "used" by your employers.. Do you mean that you work hard in order to be recognized for your merit rather than your demographic? If so I'd say that's a positive mode of thinking, not a negative one (though that's just my opinion), and as such I think the parenting style you had was actually beneficial for alleviating your complex... Hypothetically if you did not have the academic strictness you may have less to offer besides your demographic, which you seem to fear.

On that note, would you condone that style of parenting?

Hmm it really depends on what you mean by strict. My parents were strict. I do not condone their parenting style, ever. I don't know the answer to your question, I suppose parents should just try to do their very best to do what's right for their children and that's the best they can do.

I suppose when I said "strict" I really was focusing on strict in the academic field, at least until they are 18. I think this is because kids simply don't understand long-term gratification, and so I feel like this could be a way to get them to understand it, at least in retrospect, later on in life.

I think it's got to be a mixture of carrot and stick.

My parents were the polar opposites; my dad was an NCO in a section of the British special forces (SBS) and my mom was just, well, an administrator at a University.

My dad was very tough on things whilst my mom, whilst very much academically minded (she eventually got a Masters whilst looking after me and my disabled younger brother) was more of "you can do whatever you put your mind to!" kind of woman.

I ended up succeeding quite successfully at school and later University to the point where I'm now doing a PhD. I think a mix definitely helped though.

I can see your point. A parent who has decent success from hard work is more likely to try to endow the same work ethic in their child because they simply understand the method more... Hence why many East Asian, et al. immigrants generally have that attitude in raising their own kids.
I am Caucasian and neither of my parents finished higher education. I'm sure that's in part why they aren't as tough on me, though my father is extremely intelligent, just not the book kind.

The Tiger Mom parenting style isn't what most imagine it is:

The first major study of tiger moms is out. The kids have worse grades, and they are more depressed and more alienated from their parents.

My experience sounds much like Sejanus'. School came easy for me; I made As and Bs while taking all the egghead classes. I didn't miss any assignments, but had plenty of time for discovery (fucking around).

I'm skeptical how everyone (according to your article) can observe many East Asian family styles producing high-achieving children, yet data doesn't seem to support it... I mean I feel like there is a good reason for that stereotype to exist, though of course I'll be looking into it further.

I'm the same in a way, As and Bs were normal for me as well, but I did get Cs and Ds on the rare occasions when I felt like the work was not worth a small little grade. Again, I bring it back to the idea that perhaps the little letter just wasn't taught to me to be as important as it is. Long story short, I always kept up with the lessons, just not the work, so it surprised people when they found out I didn't have the highest grade, despite the highest scores I got on the tests.

[archangle]

children,

There is a price to pay for "success". get over the notion there is only one way. We cant sand the spackle with a hammer every day.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

children,

There is a price to pay for "success". get over the notion there is only one way. We cant sand the spackle with a hammer every day.

Despite probably being older than you, you do have a point about there not being a single way. General methods trend to work better than others, but it's by no means a universal prescription towards 'success'.

And besides, I think the very subjectivity of that word may render any discussion on how best to achieve it somewhat academic.

[Cato]

I'm skeptical how everyone (according to your article) can observe many East Asian family styles producing high-achieving children, yet data doesn't seem to support it... I mean I feel like there is a good reason for that stereotype to exist, though of course I'll be looking into it further.

If you need some counterpoint, come to Queens and take a random train. You'll see all the working (low and middle class) underachievers of Asian descent you care to. In my experience it is not a matter of ethnicity, it is socio-economic just like other ethnicities and cultures. Many of the so called Asian high achievers come from families that have the means to support and encourage academic or artistic achievement.

Here's an interesting article on the subject:

The more complex and far less exciting explanation for Asian Americans’ relatively high rates of education has more to do with immigration policy, which has driven selectivity about who gets to come to the U.S. and who doesn’t, said Ichinose. But a focus only on those in the upper echelons of the community renders everyone else invisible.

http://colorlines.com/archives/2012/06/p...study.html

[rexbeccarox]

I think it depends on the kid. I needed supervision and discipline because of an inherent lack of focus. My sister didn't because she's laser-focused. We're both smart, but I needed a prod once in awhile.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm going to start off with the fact that my parents are and have always been the opposite of strict. Although I love them to death, I won't get punished worse than doing an extra chore, and the punishment never lasts for longer than a day or two.... The punishment is almost always minor anyway..

My point is, I've always done fine in school but never exceptional because of the "grit" required to accomplish some work.. Basically my only motivation in school was intrinsic because I never had the fear of being punished or even reprimanded.

Many of us know the stereotype of Asians being excellent academically, but my observation has taught me (I knew a lot of so-called stereotypical Asians in high school) that nearly 90% of the reason they do well is because of extrinsic motivation from their parents, family members, other Asian peer pressure, etc.

What I want to know from you guys is whether you think that strict parenting is healthy. I for one feel like I haven't even reached near my potential because I didn't have to. I agree being lenient means a happier life now, but likely a less happy life later on.

I am 18 right now, but for at least 5 years I've been wishing my parents were a little more strict, so that it is that much harder to goof off. I understand the whole concept where I am in control of my life and that only I am accountable for my actions, but at the same time I think it is important to realize just how much we are influenced by those who raise us.

I think that strict parents can create a sort of habit for hard work in us that makes it easier to get down and dirty. This isn't to say I blame my parents for anything, as I'm sure I love them more now then if they were hawk-eye strict, but I also think that it could be super beneficial.

What are your thoughts?

True discipline comes from within. If you wish to do better, structure your actions to achieve that, and do not wish things had been different in your upbringing, because they can never be otherwise than what they are. Own your decisions and pursue your goals.

That is the only way you can own your successes.

[CapnAwesome]

It might be good if you want your kids to succeed in a very strict and boring sense of academic and financial success. If you want your children to actually be happy, I would go with something else.

[Chad32]

Like just about everything else, there needs to be a balance. As far as discipline goes, I'm at a loss with my nieces. They don't listen to me very well. Like when one niece kept dropping her tablet, and gave the excuse that her hands were full. I told her to put the stuffed cats down then, and she didn't listen. I took the tablet away, and she continuously complained until my mom told me to give it back because they were going somewhere in the car. I wanted her to pick the toys or the tablet, but she wouldn't listen.

Children don't seem to be worth the trouble sometimes.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Children don't seem to be worth the trouble sometimes.

They are. Children are beautiful; it takes adults to fuck them up.

[Losty]

Like just about everything else, there needs to be a balance. As far as discipline goes, I'm at a loss with my nieces. They don't listen to me very well. Like when one niece kept dropping her tablet, and gave the excuse that her hands were full. I told her to put the stuffed cats down then, and she didn't listen. I took the tablet away, and she continuously complained until my mom told me to give it back because they were going somewhere in the car. I wanted her to pick the toys or the tablet, but she wouldn't listen.

Children don't seem to be worth the trouble sometimes.

You know, there's nothing wrong with feeling this way. Some people just don't like kids and that is fine. Just please don't have any unless you change your mind.