Spare the rod, spoil the child

[The Grand Nudger]

Oh man, it's the tastiness. Harissa is a red pepper paste. It's hard to find good canned harissa where I live. Bulgar is like tiny, round wheat pasta. Think rice-made-out-of-noodle. I got hooked on med and middle eastern food as a younger man (little flings here and there with the dfac staff at various military bases...lol). I like to cook, and meatloaf gets boring fast. You outta give it a try.

[Jacob(smooth)]

Our of interest, do you have kids?

Luckie's asleep right now, but I can answer that question: she doesn't, but for an extended period of time she was a live-in caretaker of her sister's two young kids, so she's not speaking from a position of ignorance on this issue. Actually, she's been looking after kids for about as long as I've known her.

Other people's kids are a little different . It probably puts her in a better position to be objective actually, but I suspected that might be the case. Ignorance would not be the right word... Perhaps empathy?

It was the "you just have to be smarter than your kids" line which made me smile. I'm smarter than a pitbull. Doesn't mean I can train one!

[The Grand Nudger]

I've always taken issue with that idea myself. Sometimes we forget that even children are competently equipped human beings. They lack experience, not smarts. If you've never been outsmarted by your kids - you might want to get them tested. Honestly, that;s one of the pitfalls of any disciplinary measure that gives them the opportunity to "win". If you put yourself in a position like that it's just a matter of time until they get over on you. Then you have to backtrack, contradict yourself, and/or concede authority. For now, my kids being so young, it's sufficient that they assume every word that falls out of my mouth is as hard as a coffin nail and twice as dangerous. When they get old enough to communicate a well thought out objection to my edicts I'll know that it's time to readdress the issue...and also that I've done a fantastic job. Here's to hoping that the day will come.

[Jacob(smooth)]

Lol. I certainly outsmarted my parents a few times! I'm pretty sure my kids have gotten a few up on me in my turn. Not sure what the measure of competently equipped human beings is but I'd tend to disagree

[The Grand Nudger]

Would you? So....a less competently equipped human being outsmarted you? How did that happen?

[Tonus]

Parent probably wouldn't spank their children as much if it started hurting their hands after a certain point.

They'd just grab a belt or coat hanger or whatever else was handy. My mom was one of those types, who would even brag about it to other parents, as if beating a child bloody was some kind of badge of good parenting. What I don't think she ever understood was that severe physical punishment combined with never providing rewards for good behavior simply taught us that the best possible outcome was to not get caught.

You cannot beat goodness into a child or wickedness out of a child. You can beat resentment, bitterness, seething hatred, or similar feelings into them. With luck you might wind up with a child who becomes a better parent than you because they make sure to do everything differently, which is to say that they are better parents because they consider you a bad example. If that's you, then be grateful that your children are helping to make the world less of a clusterfuck than you attempted to leave it.

[Chad32]

Obedience through fear is about the only thing that can come from such things, if that even happens. No wonder I hear it's common for children to resent their fathers. Not that my mom never hit me. She actually slapped me in the face twice for something really stupid. At least with my dad I could understand the reasoning behind the punishment.

[The Grand Nudger]

What I don't think she ever understood was that severe physical punishment combined with never providing rewards for good behavior simply taught us that the best possible outcome was to not get caught.

A valuable life lesson, but surely there are other ways to teach that to a child eh? Maybe show em how to count cards and take em to the local basement poker game.

You cannot beat goodness into a child or wickedness out of a child.

I've always wondered about that. Again, even from an abusive parents point of view, the fact that they feel they have to keep beating their child ought to have shown them that it wasn't working by now. It's a total disconnect, isn't it? Are they beating for effect or beating because they enjoy it? Questions that probably don't cross their minds very often.

[Napoléon]

It was the "you just have to be smarter than your kids" line which made me smile. I'm smarter than a pitbull. Doesn't mean I can train one!

You know what makes me smile? I would never dream of hitting my dog. An owner who smacks their dog is a bad owner. I think most dog owners would agree with that. Why is it that we look at dog owners like they're scum when they smack their dog but parents somehow get away with it? Same issue as far as I can see. Smacking isn't even a useful form of correction in dogs but so many people think it's fine to do with humans.

[The Grand Nudger]

Conversely, we don't put children down for biting other children. What is applicable to a dog is not necessarily applicable to a human being.