Atheism and my girlfriend

[Ace Otana]

I have, time and time again, said, and I quote: "I need you to understand where I'm coming from, and accept that this may be who I am." Her respone is always something to the extent of, "I can't accept that, and I won't give up on you." It's almost as if I'm some special case to her. The moment I admitted to my Atheist beliefs I went from her boyfriend to her charity case. As harsh as that seems, it's what I feel. In a few weeks she will be off to "Winterfest," where she will be saved, and repent her sins. I am not okay with that for the very reason my beliefs lie in Atheism. But I do not attempt to stop her. She pulled me aside one night and told me, "Kyle, this is something I have to do for myself. You might not approve, but this is just something I need to do," and I agreed. I wasn't going to try and stop her. I respect her and Christianity with everything in me, much like all other religions. But when the time came that I felt it was time I do something for myself (That something being opening up about my Atheism) she shunned the idea, and has since then repeatedly told me of my fate in Hell if I do not repent and devote myself to God's glory. So maybe she didn't call it, "God's glory," but that definately sums it up. None of my friends will agree to this either, I even had one tell me he'd never talk to me again.

Ouch.

I must admit, that's a toughy. Debating against religion is too easy but to debate against someone you love is terrible and hard.
I think she has got to understand your point of view. If you can accept her beliefs then she should be able to accept your dis-beliefs. It's called mutual respect.

I think it's a failer of understanding. My uncle is an atheist and yet he is married to a christian. It's because they have mutual respect for eachothers views. They both understand and accept the other persons view points. She goes to church, he mocks the religion.

I was flirting with a lovely lass online, till she became all religious on me. The relationship vanished there and then.

Now, don't let her go but see if you can try to get her to understand your point of view. You could use other religions as examples for why you are an atheist. You can ask why she believes in christianity instead of islam or hindu. This would be a religious debate but with luck, she might start to understand why your an atheist.

---
I feel lucky that most of the town that I live in is atheistic/agnostic.

I'm guessing your in the states?

[bozo]

I have, time and time again, said, and I quote: "I need you to understand where I'm coming from, and accept that this may be who I am." Her respone is always something to the extent of, "I can't accept that, and I won't give up on you." It's almost as if I'm some special case to her. The moment I admitted to my Atheist beliefs I went from her boyfriend to her charity case. As harsh as that seems, it's what I feel. In a few weeks she will be off to "Winterfest," where she will be saved, and repent her sins. I am not okay with that for the very reason my beliefs lie in Atheism. But I do not attempt to stop her. She pulled me aside one night and told me, "Kyle, this is something I have to do for myself. You might not approve, but this is just something I need to do," and I agreed. I wasn't going to try and stop her. I respect her and Christianity with everything in me, much like all other religions. But when the time came that I felt it was time I do something for myself (That something being opening up about my Atheism) she shunned the idea, and has since then repeatedly told me of my fate in Hell if I do not repent and devote myself to God's glory. So maybe she didn't call it, "God's glory," but that definately sums it up. None of my friends will agree to this either, I even had one tell me he'd never talk to me again.

Sometimes you have to face up to some absolutes in life. I'm not going to offer some cuddly, touchy-feely advice I'm afraid, cause that's not my style.
Maybe you need to find some new friends? And a new girlfriend?
I say this, and I know it's not what you want to hear, but medicine is often uncomfortable to take.
I would find it totally unacceptable to be threatened with the christian idea of " hell " just because I refuse to believe in and worship the christian god.
And who needs friends who require total acceptance of their faith?

Tough it out, seek out other atheists locally and farther afield....they will be there!

I think that in all aspects of life, the most important thing to be happy is to be content in your own mind.

Good luck!

[SilenceTheOppressors]

"How did the universe get here?" I hate it when Christians play that card! My girlfriend did it and all of my friends did it. I've used some of the advice you guys have given me, all to my (no offense) disappointment. My girlfriend's most recent attack at Atheism was this: "You stopped believing. The Devil is in you, and he has control of you." So I've gone from boyfriend, to charity case, to demonic tool. She says I'm going to change as a person if I don't change as an Atheist (by becoming a theist, more specifically a Christian.) It is as if the Christians I know think it okay to say as they please as long as it supports their God. Even if it hurts their friend. I may be going to church tomorrow with my girlfriend, following her hopes of converting me back to Christianity. I clear sign that she will never accept my Atheism, nor respect it.

[bozo]

"How did the universe get here?" I hate it when Christians play that card! My girlfriend did it and all of my friends did it. I've used some of the advice you guys have given me, all to my (no offense) disappointment. My girlfriend's most recent attack at Atheism was this: "You stopped believing. The Devil is in you, and he has control of you." So I've gone from boyfriend, to charity case, to demonic tool. She says I'm going to change as a person if I don't change as an Atheist (by becoming a theist, more specifically a Christian.) It is as if the Christians I know think it okay to say as they please as long as it supports their God. Even if it hurts their friend. I may be going to church tomorrow with my girlfriend, following her hopes of converting me back to Christianity. I clear sign that she will never accept my Atheism, nor respect it.

I fear you are ignoring my advice, but that's your choice. You will be the one living with it.
Hope you survive.

[SilenceTheOppressors]

If she sees it fit that she breaks up with me, she will do so. If my friends see it fit that they leave me, they will do so. I promised them I would be there for them forever, and I will do so. They have not abandoned me, that is clear. I cannot abandon them. But I do appreciate your advice, Bozo.

[Tiberius]

"How did the universe get here?" I hate it when Christians play that card! My girlfriend did it and all of my friends did it. I've used some of the advice you guys have given me, all to my (no offense) disappointment. My girlfriend's most recent attack at Atheism was this: "You stopped believing. The Devil is in you, and he has control of you." So I've gone from boyfriend, to charity case, to demonic tool. She says I'm going to change as a person if I don't change as an Atheist (by becoming a theist, more specifically a Christian.) It is as if the Christians I know think it okay to say as they please as long as it supports their God. Even if it hurts their friend. I may be going to church tomorrow with my girlfriend, following her hopes of converting me back to Christianity. I clear sign that she will never accept my Atheism, nor respect it.

My advice now? Don't go to church with her. Tell her that if she won't accept your beliefs then you don't want a relationship with her, because you can't be in a relationship with someone who thinks you are being controlled by some kind of evil, and are ultimately going to end up being tortured for eternity.

It's a painful decision, but I can't see how you will be happy any other way. There are plenty of darwin fish in the sea though.

[WWLD]

I know how you feel. I've been in a similar situation. I think you should do what Adrian is suggesting. That's what I did, and believe me after a while it will get better and you will eventually meet someone with your beliefs or at least someone that respects them and doesn't think you are under demonic control. That's ridiculous.

I know it would be difficult to leave her, but it may be more difficult to stay with someone that doesn't respect your beliefs

Best of luck

[chatpilot]

SilenceTheOppressors I agree with my fellow posters regarding your situation.If your girlfriend is a christian and she cannot accept or live with the idea of you being an atheist then it is in your best interest to get out of that relationship.Trust me,if you insist on staying and you start going to church to please her you are going to be one miserable fellow and you are not being honest with yourself.In my opinion the same way a christian or any other religious adherent has the right to make thier beliefs public an athiest should be able to do the same.Dont be ashamed of bieng and atheist or being different follow your mind and inner convictions regarding your beliefs or non beliefs and stick to them.Living with fanatics is worse than a literal hell if such a place existed.

[LondonLoves]

Go on the offensive, mate -- it sounds like you're being beaten into a corner. Stop reasoning. Start making vaccuous claims about Jesus (Did you know that instead of a head Jesus had an Orange?), and the apostles (Did you know Thomas was an excellent pastry chef?) and God. Hey, have some visions ("God came to me in a dream and told me that Sex and the City suuuuuuuuks"). Back it all up with extreme overriding arrogance: "I'm right, and you're wrong. The worst thing is that you know i'm right."

I don't agree that an atheist cannot be with a theist. My little (very liberal) Muslim pot of gold is going to marry me inspite of the fact that I rip on Islam and she rips on Atheism. If your girly was confident in her religion she wouldn't need you to share the same view as her and she certainly wouldn't take offence at your views. Engaging in questions such as "why are you Christian, not Jewish etc." ends up in circular discussions starting with phrases like "because the Lord Jesus Christ...". Just avoid that kind of thing. There's absolutely no reason you should want or need to convert her -- it's her belief, let her have it. Relax. Make some jokes. See how it goes. If she can't accept you that's her problem, not yours.

I think a pertinent question is how old you are? When you're young feelings can be very intense. If you and she are young then don't worry too much about it all. One day you'll realise that you didn't want a girl -- you want a WOMAN! Furthermore you'll realise that you don't want a woman with the same interests, ideas and tastes as you. That's boring. You want someone with different ideas, culture and interests and, yes, faith. That's interesting.

One final thing -- if you're dating a hardcore Christian, try to have some consideration for your testosterone. Life is short. You know there ain't no heaven and sex is brilliant fun, so get moving.

[moodydaniel]

I've a very simple take on this - a person has to love you for who you are, not for who they think you are or want you to be.

If she can't accept you for who you are, you're done, because it's only part of you she cares for.

You may need to be careful about any split; if your social group is hard core Christian, it would be very easy for her to turn people against you.

Good luck.