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[Foxaèr]

I rarely visit Facebook. So it was the boyfriend who called me this morning to let me know of a message he received there. The thinking was that I had received the same message.

A funeral home where my mother lived wants me to contact them regarding the finalization of her death.

Having not seen her since I was a kid, I never did manage to reconnect with her in person.

Since my mother was not married, they just need me to sign for her ashes to be released to my aunt who is taking take of everything.

[arewethereyet]

I rarely visit Facebook. So it was the boyfriend who called me this morning to let me know of a message he received there. The thinking was that I had received the same message.

A funeral home where my mother lived wants me to contact them regarding the finalization of her death.

Having not seen her since I was a kid, I never did manage to reconnect with her in person.

Since my mother was not married, they just need me to sign for her ashes to be released to my aunt who is taking take of everything.

I seem to recall that you didn't have much to do with your father but I didn't realize you were also estranged from your mother.

Who raised you?

[Fireball]

Since my mother was not married, they just need me to sign for her ashes to be released to my aunt who is taking take of everything.

I seem to recall that you didn't have much to do with your father but I didn't realize you were also estranged from your mother.

Who raised you?

Wild foxes?

[Foxaèr]

Since my mother was not married, they just need me to sign for her ashes to be released to my aunt who is taking take of everything.

I seem to recall that you didn't have much to do with your father but I didn't realize you were also estranged from your mother.

Who raised you?

I was raised by my father and grandparents. For most of my youth, I swapped trailerholds on a weekly basis. One week at the residence of my father, the next week at the residence of my grandparents, and so on. Only when my younger sister began to act out by trying to hook up with adult men did this arrangement cease. I stayed with my father and she stayed with our grandparents.

[arewethereyet]

I seem to recall that you didn't have much to do with your father but I didn't realize you were also estranged from your mother.

Who raised you?

I was raised by my father and grandparents. For most of my youth, I swapped trailerholds on a weekly basis. One week at the residence of my father, the next week at the residence of my grandparents, and so on. Only when my younger sister began to act out by trying to hook up with adult men did this arrangement cease. I stayed with my father and she stayed with our grandparents.

 I see.  Husband went between grandparents and great grandmother who lived two houses apart.  His parents were useless.  His half-sister was pretty much raised by her other grandparents.  I didn't ever get the memo that I could quit parenting.  Not that I would have allowed my kids to grow up with my parents.

Husband had over a dozen step-mothers though he only interacted with a couple of them.  He can't even name them all.

[Foxaèr]

So here is the deal with the new place where I am working. I have not felt the need to share about any other place, because this new place stresses me out worse than I have experienced in some time.

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It is a higher maintenance facility, which means the expectations are more unrealistic. The major issues I am having revolve around the workload and the nurses riding my ass when I just want to be left alone to do my job.

First, as is the case with all facilities in the state now, the resident to aide ratio has increased significantly because we are not expected to spend as much time with each resident. At least this is what we are continuously told. I see other aides sitting around a great deal and doing nothing. Unfortunately, I have not personally mastered the art of providing minimal care to my residents, and it has nothing to do with time management. I never find the time for a break and the only few moments of respite is for when I barely find the time to chart.

The second issue is when other aides take a break or disappear, and the nurses ride my ass about taking care of another aide's residents, doing another aide's job, when I am entirely too busy with my own assignment. Apparently, the facility is all about teamwork that only applies to the aide who is always on the floor and visible to the nurse.

Therefore, I have decided that today I am going to explain the situation to HR, who also handles staffing, that I am going to alter my schedule to part time in order to better take care of myself. The last thing I need is to have a heart attack at my age because the job is entirely too stressful for me.

---

[Foxaèr]

I spoke with someone and the new part-time schedule will be implemented, although it might take as long as a couple of weeks. Which is understandable.

[brewer]

Maybe get out of facilities. Have you considered home health?

(can't remember if you did this in the past)

[Foxaèr]

Since I am cutting back on my hours at work, I am going to attempt to write another novel.

[Foxaèr]

Prologue of an untitled novel:

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The hot water streams over my aged skin, and a recently recurring mental sensation causes a disorientation. It only happens in the shower. Logically, I know the acrylic beneath my feet is secure. Yet, as I enjoy the enveloping combination of water and steam, a momentary reprieve from the local chill that reaches my bones, the bottom of the tub seems flimsy enough to give way beneath my weight.

Turning around with care, I allow my back to receive a massage from an effective flow.

I used to scoff at how you always mentioned wanting to visit a masseuse, I think as emotions overwhelm me. “And now it's my back that's always bothering me.”

Wincing at the memory and the arthritic stabs in my hands, I think, My fingers were never any good at helping to relieve muscle knots, but what I wouldn't give to have you back just for the opportunity to try again.

As I try to recall your face behind closed eyelids, I tilt my head back. And I fall into a most comforting darkness.

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