(September 7, 2015 at 3:54 pm)Thena323 Wrote: I think it's more a matter of respecting people's feelings and general politeness. If an individual is decent and kind, I have no issue accommodating their beliefs (within reason). Two recent examples:
While attending a religious memorial service (Episcopal), I bowed my head at the appropriate moments and followed all of the general protocols. Why? Because a service where people are grieving is not the time to take a stand or make a statement.
I ran into a hospice nurse that I used to work with over 11 years ago, when I was attended church and still believed. Of course, she assumed I still did and proceeded to go on for a few minutes about blah, blah, blah and got teary-eyed during the process. You know what I did? I politely nodded my head and said " Oh. Mmm hmm. Really? Yes, I'm sure Kirk Cameron films are very interesting."
She is easily one of the nicest people I've ever known. What would be the point of interrupting a 3 or 4 minute conversation to say "God isn't real....would you like to know more?" Especially knowing that this woman carries the burden of dealing with death and dying every day.
Btw, I would only consider this an issue in day to day, personal interactions. It's not particularly relevant when it comes down to public issues, legal matters or social justice.
I agree.
When my mother-in-law died, we had to travel to attend her service because she wanted to be buried where she was born. I had to take off work a few days. We decided to bring most of our kids with us, while leaving the youngest with my dad. Both of us agreed they had a right to say goodbye to their grandma. And his mom had requested Grave Side Rites, so we figured there wouldn't be much chance of them getting caught up in religion. (We want them to decide for themselves with no biases toward or against any religion.)
Of course, my husband's side of the family decide that it wouldn't hurt to do a service. Even though that's not what his mother wanted. (She was religious afaik, but she felt there was no point in having a service). My husband didn't really fight it, he figured "Well, it's more for them than it is for her. A small service will be okay." The service wasn't really bad at least, and the Preacher was certainly nicer than most.
I think the only time I really wanted to say something was when everyone kept saying "Well, she's in a better place now." Especially when one woman said "I wish I could be in that better place too." It bothered me mostly because I was worried about what our kids would think. I mean going to a better place... it makes it sound like dying is a good thing. (My husband's side of the family has some weird views. Which is why we don't go around them too much. . And I'm not just talking religious views. They're reasonable in some ways, and certainly not in others. Of course that's not all of them. Many of them are really nice people who don't talk religion or politics.) We explained to our kids that what they meant by a better place was that she wasn't suffering anymore. I felt like that was the best we could do.
There's a time and a place for everything. Some people have a deep personal need to believe. And as long as they're not hurting anyone, I wouldn't want to try to take that away from them.
Respect their feelings, not their beliefs. For me, that only goes out the window if the people aren't respecting my feelings or are being ridiculous about something. And do not talk bad about my children. If you do that, then you better start talking to yourself about hoping that your god exists and that he will help you. Because that's something I do not find acceptable from anyone.
