A practical definition for "God"

[MTL]

Ok Lek,

My own Christian grandfather was an easygoing man, generally,
but he got quite heated whenever he encountered Atheism,
or anything that challenged HIS belief structure.

One of his favourite things to vehemently say was:

" I don't BELIEVE there's a God, I KNOW there's a God!!! "

Now, I've always acknowledged that I cannot presume
to automatically dismiss the experiences that others claim to have had, as untruths,
simply because they cannot be documented, reproduced, or proven for my satisfaction.

But what bugs me is this:

The Bible tells us Ask, Seek, Knock.

And I did.

I am not going to waste time trying to impress Theists with the sincerity of my search.

I KNOW that I searched with every fiber of my being.  I KNOW what I went through.

However, no matter how badly I needed to find what I was looking for,
I refused to lie to myself.

Either God would really speak to me,
....or I would hear only silence.

I wanted to find God.

But only if He was truly there to find.

I refused to give myself false comfort
by choosing to see miracles where there weren't any.

False comfort is no comfort at all.

What I found was not only disappointment....
but exactly the opposite of what YOU claim to have experienced.

So,

If the Bible is really the Word of God

And it can be trusted when it says "Ask, Seek, Knock" and numerous other promises,

and I know how hard I sought
(even if Theists want to insensitively, arrogantly,
and presumptuously trivialize the earnestness of my search, as they often have)

and I know that I was refusing to kid myself,

then, Lek,

WHY should I believe that my Grandfather actually had a personal experience of God's Love,

...and yet I had THE EXACT OPPOSITE???

Now, by having "the exact opposite"....I do not merely mean that I failed to find anything.

I DID have what you might call a very visceral, very unsettling, very specific supernatural experience.

But it was anything but comforting.

(I've already written about it in other threads, and I don't know if you've already read it or not).

Lek, you "quoted" me into a reply, yet you left no actual reply.

So I know you saw my post...are you looking for the thread in which I left a description of my
"spiritual experience"?

If Yes,  here it is, copied & pasted from the other thread:

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A  while back, when I was in the throes of letting go of the last shreds of my faith,
I hit my rock bottom one night...things were bad, in my family, and I had been wrestling with personal issues.
Finally I broke down and wept, prostrated myself before god,
admitted I had no faith left, begged His forgiveness and mercy, and begged for faith and illumination.

This is the point where most Theists would tell you that they fell asleep and had a dream about a great peace and serenity and a voice telling them to "Be not afraid, for I am with you", or something.

I had just the opposite.

I had taken my leap of faith, I relinquished all my pride and reason, and threw myself on God's mercy.

That night, I dreamt normally, until just before dawn.

Then suddenly my nondescript dreams shifted,
and became very visceral:

I still slept, but I dreamt I had opened my eyes, and looked around my room,
and in my dream, my room looked exactly as it would have looked IRL at that hour,
the first cracks of light around the drapes.

I dreamt I felt a cutting sensation in my chest, coming from within.

It was cold and hot at the same time, a searing sensation.

A fissure suddenly opened in my chest, a faint light emanated from within,
and very quickly, a glowing, bluish mist slipped outward and upward, and was gone in a second.
But in that split-second, a face appeared in the mist, and looked, knowingly, right at me.
I knew instantly it was Jesus.
His face was alert and conscious, but expressionless.

And he left me.

The fissure in my chest was hollow and dark.

I woke, and of course my hand flew to my chest, which of course was fine.

I sat up and thought it over.

Certainly it was a disquieting dream,
but the last vestiges of my Christianity left me.

The reasoning part of me realizes, of course, that this dream was my subconscious
telling me I am too old for this nonsense and I don't need it anymore.

But what I would point out to Theists, is this:

If your Jesus really exists, and really is who He SAYS that He is,
why in the world,
when someone has no pride left, no hope left, nothing...

...but pleads for His forgiveness and His guidance...

...why, contrary to everything the Bible says,

would Jesus respond to my plea by allowing me to have a dream of His leaving me,

...unless that is really what He was doing?

In other words,

even if you, as a Theist, think that this was my unrepentant brain
causing me to have a dream about Jesus,
that wasn't really Jesus,

...then why, after begging for faith, begging for mercy,
would he ALLOW my brain to have a dream like that???
Of being consciously abandoned by Him?

It can mean only one of two things:

1.  There is no such thing as Jesus,
(and therefore no-one to prevent my brain from producing a dream like that, on its own)
...and I'm right to put away such childish things.

2.  There IS a Jesus, but He is a LIAR and does NOT love me.

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