Do you even lift, AF bro?

[Strider]

*Serious hat*

What is a good resource for people who want to begin proper weightlifting, is there any 'beginners guide' so I don't look like a total dick?

I've been to a few gyms but I honestly just stick to the machine weights. The free weights are usually taken up by steroid pumped walking tanks, and if I were to waltz in and be like "ey mate, can I use the bench" they'd all give me very dirty looks behind my back and I would not be able to cope with the societal pressure, which is why I always end up leaving gyms because the people in there are way too healthy anyway. Gyms should be for fat people.

Uh, what was I talking about again?

Oh right.

How do I actually lift?

The problem with getting started with weightlifting is the information overload. Honestly, between all of the magazines and the various sites, I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do. Here is my recommendation for whatever it is worth:

The best thing for person new to lifting is a full-body routine 3x a week. You could stick with that for anywhere from 6 months to a year. You can do a search for full-body programs or check out some of these:

http://www.aworkoutroutine.com/the-begin...t-routine/
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=4195843

Another very popular beginner's program is Rippetoe's Starting Strength 5x5 program. You will find loads of info on it if you search. It straddles the fine line between building muscle and strength. If you try it and stick with it, you will not be disappointed. Sometimes you'll read about people on this program drinking up to a gallon of whole milk a day (identifiable by the ridiculous acronym GOMAD) in an attempt to get bigger...just don't. If you do this, you will get strong and massive...ly fat.

The rest is going to depend on your goals. Want to lose weight or gain weight? Want to focus on getting muscular or just stronger? If you can give me additional info, I'll do my best to get you started in the right direction.

Oh yeah, last advice. Fuck the gym brahs. Seriously, they probably don't actually care what you're doing and if they do then they're not working out hard enough.