I lost my heart today.

[Mudhammam]

We never really know how short each of our lives may be - It's impossible to predict the future, and aside from realistic statistics we can never be truly certain on how we will end up dying, we can only that we will die someday.

I lost my dad when I was only 15 years old, something that is not statistically that common - It was heartbreaking and it still is, it was probably the saddest emotion and feeling I've ever come to experience, and it will probably only be surpassed the day my mother dies.

Life is not fair, I hope you can cope with your loss, we all have to do it even if it's complicated and devastating initially. Whether or not there is scientific basis, I've found that thinking about the best characteristics of passed away loved ones is the best way to cope with their death, at least to me. So when I think of my dad, I avoid thinking of how terrible it was to lose him, I just think of how he was a successful businessman who spoke 6 languages and traveled around the world until the day he died. I think of how good a comedian he was and all the dirty funny jokes he used to tell me when I was 6 years old without mom knowing. I recall how he dressed in a suit with a blue stripped tie so often, how he shaved every morning and enjoyed a cigar every Sunday afternoon.

I hope my words can at least slightly help you. Cheers

I find that very helpful. Thank you, Dystopia.

I don't know what the family's plan is as far as a viewing and a funeral, but it sucks to think about having to do that next week. I mean it's going to be really emotional and I tend to process things better when I'm by myself. Like yesterday, for example, when I was in the room as he died, I couldn't bring myself to really just sob in front of everyone, and still today it's been moments here and there when I'll tear up, but mostly I'm thinking about it with a certain sense of detachment. It's especially strange to me that this past July, when I had to put down my cat, after I signed the papers and laid him down on the table for the shot, the tears just came uncontrollably. Here, it's as if I can't bring myself to the full apprehension that all those afternoons we shared are permanently stuck in the past, as memories, that I'll never be able to add to them, and I wonder if it's knowing how insanely difficult the funeral is going to be, or the next time I visit with his parents, that is causing me to feel somewhat disconnected right now. It's weird the way that we deal with different losses in our own peculiar manner.