I posted this on a Muslim forum, I guess this could be used as a more detailed bio.
Al-Murtad Wrote:Hi, everyone. I’ve come from the CEMB forum because one of your members said this over there:
Please understand this, you guys just wanted freedom of the lower self...that seems to be your predisposition
This crude, condescending generalisation made me seethe and motivated me to make this thread. It disrespects us ex-Muslims as people, it demeans the choices we’ve made, the difficult journey we’ve undertaken and the hardships we have to endure because of Islam. Leaving Islam was by far the most difficult thing I’ve done. The mental anguish, the emotional turmoil, the prolonged confusion and doubt I went through was unbearable. I felt isolated, lonely, I had no one to talk to, I internalised everything, trying hard to suppress my doubts and attempting to restore my faith. I genuinely tried to believe.
I’m from a Muslim family, I was born as a Muslim, I was raised as a Muslim. It was only right that I remained a Muslim? This is what I kept telling myself over and over again. I watched Islamic lectures, read Islamic sites, familiarised myself with the “scientific miracles of the Qur’an” and all of the other arguments supporting Islam. NOTHING. Absolutely nothing could convince me that Islam was true. I saw though the broken logic, the distortions and sometimes, flat out lies used by some Muslims to support their belief in Islam.
I couldn’t rationalise Allah, Islam or its teachings. It didn’t make sense to me. Some of the stories within the Qur’an and hadith seemed ridiculous – especially to me, someone who is unable to believe in the supernatural. Certain verses of the Qur’an and hadiths were repulsive, immoral and inhumane. I couldn’t believe for a second that these verses and commandments had come from an omnibenevolent god, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t believe for a second that the Prophet Mohammed was insaan al-kamil, a man who is supposed to be the perfect role model for all of humanity until the Day of Judgment when there were things that he did that I find to be utterly revolting.
I didn’t leave Islam out of arrogance or pride, or because I wished to satisfy my carnal desires. I left Islam because I don’t believe it is true. It’s as simple as that. I’m an atheist. I don’t see any evidence whatsoever for a god, let alone a personal god.
Debasing us, saying we only left Islam because we wished to live sinful lives, where we get drunk and have sex is insulting to the nth degree. What if I said that all (male) Muslims believe in Islam only because they want to have sex with wide eyed houris with pale skin and round, pert breasts? That you only pray 5 times a day because you wish to deflower these houris over, and over again as Allah makes their hymens regrow again and again. Would it not enrage you that someone had misrepresented your intentions for belief and had tried to delegitimize your position simply through accusing you of being motivated solely by sexual desires?
We, ex-Muslims suffer enough due to Islamic oppression. Some of us fear the death penalty because we live in Islamic theocracies. Some of us fear rejection from our friends and families because we were unable to believe and they couldn't accept us for who we are. We have to live double lives, pretending to be good Muslims, praying, fasting - whilst deep down inside thinking that organised religion is a complete farce. We have to deal with enough BS in our lives and we certainly don't need your snide condescension on top of that.
Peace out.
