If you were ever a theist...

[Whateverist]

Now you're just saying the only way to be persuaded by proofs of god is to already adore god .. which means you are already persuaded.  This is hopelessly circular.  Worse, who are you to say what other people's relationship to god "must" have been?  I was never a toady for god and neither did I conceive of god as desiring such a stance.  You are in no position to pass judgment in such broad sweeping ways.

I believe the heart is created to be attracted to the Divine.  Being attracted to the tranquility in the spirit of devotion to the divine doesn't mean one is convinced it exists. It means you long to know if it exists and wish it does. Of course, if you are going to reason "Why should I care about God and the path of devotion to her", that's a different story. I'm saying the healthy heart is attracted to the Divine and the path of devotion to it. It's a sign of God, but it doesn't mean you know God exists automatically because you are attracted to it. Of course, if you reflect over that which you are attracted to, that may lead to knowledge.

So you believe because you believe.  Forget proof.  What you are doing is not informed by any sort of reasoning.  Rather, your reasoning is merely serving to dress up your naked bias to make it look more respectable.