Moralizing vs. Compassion

[Thumpalumpacus]

I get your point about the difference between words and actions, but in pointing it out to her, she may have felt as if you were judging her -- which in one sense you were. You were right in your point itself, but perhaps (as noted above) she was looking for praise, and was let down or even hurt by your point, which I do think could have been made more artfully: "Oh, you're not volunteering right now? Let me know when you can, I work with a couple of charities which could sure use some help" -- said with a smile, y'know.