Indoctrination and how it has severly effected me.
February 4, 2016 at 6:18 pm
(This post was last modified: February 4, 2016 at 6:24 pm by Socratic Meth Head.)
Hi, I have recently registered here and I need clarification. I have been raised under Christ, If I ever told my mom about an athiest thought, she would discourage it, and move on. It seemed harmless at first. Then OCD struck. I was always doubting things and getting anxiety. About 2 months ago, I saw a video on Youtube by Richard Dawkins. I was intrigued. I saw the evidence for Evolution and realised that god isn't real. I was okay for 2 weeks, then I kept going back. "It's Satan." my thoughts said. "Is it Satan,or science." Then, I decided to make a deal with Satan. If he were truly real then the deal would come true and I would be screwed. If he weren't real the deal wouldn't happen and then Creationism falls apart. I did numerous deals. No Results. At All, nothing. "Okay, Satan isn't real so God must not be either." I am still doubting horribly. The thoughts my parents injected in my brain are killing me. It's horrible mental torment honestly. I know that god's not real. But I get this doubt that "He is real, this is Satan tricking you." I can't stop doubting. I can't tell if this is OCD, Indoctrination or both? I've always beleived in Evolution and I believed God and Evolution could Co-Exist. But now that that is disproven, I am constantly reffering back to the injected thoughts in my brain. "Mom always said a war between you and Satan would happen." "That is a very general and broad statement, that applies to anyone, plus I have a disorder that explains it."
I actually get anxiety about reverting back to a Christian now. I do not want God, I came to him countless times in dire need of help with my disorder, almost on the verge of suicide and he never helped me. He must not be real if he "designed" me with a HUGE mental flaw.
Are these thoughts normal to a Christian to Athiest convert and it is all but temporary and inevitable. Or is indoctrination ruining my life?
Might I also add, my brother converted to athiesm a bit ago, and my parents converted him back to Christianity. I do not want to follow his path, so I am keeping it kinda secret from my parents until these doubts go away and I am of a solid, sound mind. I am working on removing the thoughts of old, but the doubt needs to go away first
I actually get anxiety about reverting back to a Christian now. I do not want God, I came to him countless times in dire need of help with my disorder, almost on the verge of suicide and he never helped me. He must not be real if he "designed" me with a HUGE mental flaw.
Are these thoughts normal to a Christian to Athiest convert and it is all but temporary and inevitable. Or is indoctrination ruining my life?
Might I also add, my brother converted to athiesm a bit ago, and my parents converted him back to Christianity. I do not want to follow his path, so I am keeping it kinda secret from my parents until these doubts go away and I am of a solid, sound mind. I am working on removing the thoughts of old, but the doubt needs to go away first
