Indoctrination and how it has severly effected me.

[Chad32]

I've had doubts from time to time too. I was even convinced to go back to church once. I think what really broke it for me is that god presumably only wanted me to come willingly, and since I can't willingly worship someone who would do the kind of things done in the bible, i might as well not worry about it. if he wants me, he knows where to find me. Presumably he also knows what I need to see and hear to convince me, and if I don't get it, then he's just not putting in enough effort to convince me.

Its far worse than what you seem to have picked up. Its not just a thought or two. It is all consuming. Mentally torturing. I can never decide. My mom forces me to go to church which makes me only have these thoughts more. I believe evolution though, i see it everywhere around me. But the way my parents have raised me has only set me up for this. I want to escape from god. But their trap of doubt=satan kills me

Yeah, it can be mental torture for some people. Religion eats away at people's minds until they're willing to torment or even kill their own children in the name of something they can't prove exists. It's good to find places like this where you can let your feelings out.