My mom was a loving mother, but my father was borderline psychologically abusive. For the most part he acted as if I didn't exist, and the only time he ever talked to me was when he was telling me I was a failure or yelling at me for something I did. The best way I could describe how he treated me was with disgust and abandonment. He didn't physically abandon me, but for how he treated me, he may as well have. The difference was that my rejection was staring me in the face throughout my childhood. On top of that, he doted on my younger sister and got involved in her life, so I grew up wondering what was wrong with me that would make it so my dad didn't love me like he loved my sister.
Both my parents were total hardasses when it came to my education. They pushed me as hard as parents can to become this super-overachiever, and my wants and desires were never considered. They forced me to take college entrance exams when I was twelve, and when I resisted, I was basically told to shut my mouth and do as I was told. They never complemented me when I did something right, but they were all over me whenever I did something wrong. Consequently, I'm the most self-critical person you'll ever meet, and I'm never able to acknowledge when I've done something right.
The whole thing led up to some serious mental health issues, which I still struggle with today. My relationship with my parents is better now, but the way I was raised and how it affected me is never discussed. I've forgiven my dad, because as bad as a parent as he was, it seems he was doing the best he could to break the cycle of how his parents treated him. His parents were semi-sadistic and treated him with what would be considered abuse today. But where and when he came from, it was just considered good, strict parenting.
Both my parents were total hardasses when it came to my education. They pushed me as hard as parents can to become this super-overachiever, and my wants and desires were never considered. They forced me to take college entrance exams when I was twelve, and when I resisted, I was basically told to shut my mouth and do as I was told. They never complemented me when I did something right, but they were all over me whenever I did something wrong. Consequently, I'm the most self-critical person you'll ever meet, and I'm never able to acknowledge when I've done something right.
The whole thing led up to some serious mental health issues, which I still struggle with today. My relationship with my parents is better now, but the way I was raised and how it affected me is never discussed. I've forgiven my dad, because as bad as a parent as he was, it seems he was doing the best he could to break the cycle of how his parents treated him. His parents were semi-sadistic and treated him with what would be considered abuse today. But where and when he came from, it was just considered good, strict parenting.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
