Zodiac

[The Viking]

Today, you will read an idiotic diatribe of noncommittal supposition intended on providing the illusion that your path in life is fated by celestial bodies and predetermined by the month in which you were forced out of your mother, around 9 months and 2 weeks after she got drunk and banged your father that one time (or the pool boy - but either way...) and thus you shouldn't really attempt to command your own choices as you're already down that path.

So walk in front of that bus, bro. Because 27 is your lucky number today.