(September 18, 2016 at 10:20 pm)Mamacita Wrote: CIJS...
I wish I could, but I can't. I'm so sorry. It's too late for that. I'm looking after myself now. I want solid things. I want happiness. I don't want to have to try too hard. I want natural. I want realness. I want tangible companionship. A decade with you promises that I will always love you, just not the way you want me to. I've moved on. I have decided to walk away from anything that will make me stretch myself so hard that it transforms me into something I'm not. I'm walking away from anything that seems too unreal, or wistful. I'm stepping away from anything or anyone who will contribute to my loneliness. Ten years of loneliness is enough evidence that I can't go back. I really do hope you find happiness and that you, too, can stop stretching yourself to be someone that you are not. You deserve it. I just want to be happy. I know it's selfish. I don't care. What's wrong with being a little selfish sometimes? I've invested my life in pleasing others, fighting against storms to win their love, trying, hoping, waiting, just being there to make others happy. I don't want to do that anymore. At least not as the main dish. I want to relax and enjoy. I want to watch things unfold on their own with out having to climb mountains to earn it. If I end up empty handed, so be it. I'm not afraid of silence. I've learned that loneliness is worse than solitude. I'll keep my solitude and give you back that loneliness. I have no use for it anymore.
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. For if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes unto you."
