RE: The Peacemaking Thread
September 27, 2016 at 11:35 pm
(This post was last modified: September 28, 2016 at 1:05 am by Kernel Sohcahtoa.)
(September 27, 2016 at 2:10 pm)abaris Wrote: The way to peacemaking is compromise. As banal as that may sound. There's really nothing else to say about it. Everyone has to give some to gain some.
Agreed. Many mediators, negotiators, and conflict resolution experts will agree with you on this point. However, what specific behaviors and tools do you exhibit which allows you to reach compromise? In other words, I'm more interested in your path toward compromise and peace.
As an example, when I'm in conflict with others, I have found that negative emotions can be quite helpful: rather than letting them own me, I can use them to pinpoint core values of mine that are being undermined. Thus, accepting the validity of negative emotions and acknowledging the underlying interests they are trying to protect, increases the likelihood of me being more productive when I'm in conflict with others.
(September 27, 2016 at 2:54 pm)paulpablo Wrote: In my experience of keeping peace, at least in a workplace, is to always do small talk as much as possible.
He's quiet so he probably thinks he's too good to talk to us, he's weird, really arrogant.
Maybe it's some form of autism in me or I'm a bit anti social naturally but it took me a long time to figure out the pattern of, if I come up with bullshit convos to talk about with people at the start of the day, by the end of the day these stupid aggressive, chav people I work with tend to not give me random shit or bitch about me behind my back.
I can definitely relate to this. I'm very introverted and very reserved and have had this type of criticism directed towards me. I think your advice is very good and sound. However, I have found that one must be genuine in their small talk. For example, if people perceive my small talk as me trying to improve my self-image, then they will just resist my efforts and assume I'm an arrogant, condescending jerk. Hence, I will engage others in small talk only if I can be sincere about it; otherwise, I'll just stick to being polite, gentlemanly, and professional.
(September 27, 2016 at 7:34 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Listening, compromise, flexibility, and forgiveness.
Agreed and well-said. I have found success in doing more listening than talking. Oftentimes, by listening to others, I realize that I was mistaken about a particular issue, and this allows me to intelligently engage them in constructive conversation, rather than jumping into the conversation with an incomplete understanding of their position and upsetting them as a result.
