Little Lunch Wrote:The way I make peace these days is to remember that almost everyone thinks differently about almost everything and that, whether wrong or right, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Once I've got that mindset in place I go into it unplanned with the realisation that peace is not always achievable and that pushing your desired outcome can quite easily make things worse.
This is an excellent point, Little Lunch. Overall, it is important to make peace with the fact that conflict is inevitable. No matter how eloquent, intelligent, diplomatic, and graceful people may be in their peacemaking efforts, there will always be individuals who take offense and misunderstand the intended meaning. In the worst cases, these individuals may get defensive, resort to personal attacks, and fortify themselves behind barriers of misunderstanding. As a result, the peacemaking process may not be possible at that time; however, there are creative approaches that can clarify misunderstanding and possibly nudge conflict past impasse.
One possible approach is via a peacemaking technique that I learned from William Ury, which is negotiation jiu-jitsu, or the art of deflecting intense emotions and aggressive behavior with depersonalization and inquiry. For example, when another person is voicing his or her disagreement or position in an unconstructive manner, it is imperative to allow him or her to vent and to speak uninterrupted: as this person speaks, we then separate the person from the problem (this is hard to do, but it is truly awesome once you get the hang of it), which allows us to focus on the content of the message and possibly uncover the individual's underlying interests; thus, clarifying miscommunications and validating why a reasonable, decent person would behave in that manner. Hence, this technique is useful in the following ways: it diffuses intense emotions and builds safety; it enables the parties to understand their conflict in different ways; it validates and humanizes the other person.
References
Ury, William. (2011). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Penguin books: New York.
