Rhythm Wrote:IDK Kernel, in my experience, being able to assess the content of the message to discover the underlaying interests and thus impetus for miscommunication has been met roundly, and soundly, with umbrage by the other individual. You've exposed them, or at least think that you have, in their view. It;s insulting, regardless of whether or not it's true.
Thank you for making this observation. It is an important point. We can be absolutely genuine in our efforts to understand others, and they can still misperceive this as an attempt on our part to expose them or find fault in them, which can provoke more aggression and defensiveness on their part. From my observations, a core aspect of peacemaking is that we cannot force people into dialog, nor can we force them to behave as we’d like: only they can choose how they will respond. If they respond in the negative, then IMO, it is crucial to stay cool and not allow yourself to retaliate in kind (doing the latter only reinforces their negative behavior patterns). Hence, it is probably best to take a break, let go, and make peace with the fact that we have done our best for the time being: peacemaking often requires multiple attempts and failures.
Rhythm Wrote:This is what we run into when we politely talk about coddling other people. No amount of nice words or smiles or calm approach will change or alter the fact that we have treated them as lessers to be handled, their outbursts as side effects of a potentially undiscovered or unknown (even to them) underlaying interest. In short. They're idiots who need our help to climb up out of the miscommunications brought on by their idiocy or lack of self comprehension.
Just food for thought.
Thank you for mentioning this. It may indeed be the case that the other person is dead wrong about a particular issue: the person simply didn’t fully comprehend what it was that he or she was disagreeing with. However, from my observations, when people resort to outbursts, it is due to the fact that they are jacked up on emotional adrenaline. Now, coddling them with nice words or using other techniques aimed at making them behave as we’d like, usually does set them off, as it can be perceived as an attempt on our part to fix them.
From my experience and studies, a good starting point for diffusing unconstructive behavior is to acknowledge feelings: this needs to be done in a non-judgmental and genuine way. For example, we can be more genuine and non-judgemental by giving up our need to be right, as it may be the case that we were mistaken about a particular issue or multiple issues for that matter. Once, we have done this, then a simple acknowledgement that the individual is upset and owning up to your part in making them upset, is a possible starting point toward peace. More importantly, acknowledging their feelings allows them to feel validated, which increases the likelihood of collaborative, rational dialog.
Ultimately, as Jesster pointed out, peace cannot be forced. Hence, IMO, as peacemakers, it is necessary to make peace with the fact that we will succeed and fail.
Thank you for your time and attention, sir.
