A new CIJS -
I'm sorry for always putting my foot in my mouth with you. Even after all these years, I get flustered around you. I know why: I've always loved you completely, and always feel like I need to earn your trust, friendship, and platonic love every day, like I'm starting from the beginning all the time. And, yes, I know that's dumb and irrational. We wouldn't talk 2-4 days a week if you didn't like me. You wouldn't be concerned if I was late, or legitimately happy when I arrive. It's just that self-esteem has always been somewhat elusive for me, and I need to constantly reassure myself that you do care and aren't just humoring me out of pity.
I hate myself for thinking that last part.
Things are different from how they were. Really different from what I had hoped. But even though we're not the same people as before, and even though our relationship has changed dramatically over the years (and not in a bad way), I still love you with all my heart. I would do just about anything for you. And if I stumble and do or say something dumb, it's only because I've never really figured out how someone amazing like you willingly puts up with someone like me. It's hard for me to believe, and like I said before, I constantly feel like I have to earn it.
I'd also like to push your fiancé down a flight of stairs, but that's neither here nor there....
I'm sorry for always putting my foot in my mouth with you. Even after all these years, I get flustered around you. I know why: I've always loved you completely, and always feel like I need to earn your trust, friendship, and platonic love every day, like I'm starting from the beginning all the time. And, yes, I know that's dumb and irrational. We wouldn't talk 2-4 days a week if you didn't like me. You wouldn't be concerned if I was late, or legitimately happy when I arrive. It's just that self-esteem has always been somewhat elusive for me, and I need to constantly reassure myself that you do care and aren't just humoring me out of pity.
I hate myself for thinking that last part.
Things are different from how they were. Really different from what I had hoped. But even though we're not the same people as before, and even though our relationship has changed dramatically over the years (and not in a bad way), I still love you with all my heart. I would do just about anything for you. And if I stumble and do or say something dumb, it's only because I've never really figured out how someone amazing like you willingly puts up with someone like me. It's hard for me to believe, and like I said before, I constantly feel like I have to earn it.
I'd also like to push your fiancé down a flight of stairs, but that's neither here nor there....
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
