Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[J a c k]

I'm soooo glad someone bumped this thread because I have stuff to get off my chest!

1.

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I'm going to miss you so fucking much. I don't think my mom or dad, or any of your friends will miss you as much as I will. You're my little brother, yo! My friend. Nobody else knows what I'm thinking the way you do, just by saying, "We know what we mean." Heh. Go on. Make a future for yourself. Looks like it will be bright for you. I'm so fucken proud of you, bro! But you can't blame me for feeling lost. We have been best buddies since we were six and four. This is hard. I'll miss visiting you every time I get paid. I'll miss hanging out trying new beers and checking out the servers. I'll miss crying together, laughing, even being mad at life at times just to have each other's back. You know you were the first to know I was atheist. You were the first to know I'm unstraight. You were the first to know when I was expecting my first child. You were the first to know I'd be getting a divorce. When we were kids, you shared your hot wheels with me and I shared my rock collection. Damn. This hurts so much.  I'll be here, little bro. Don't forget us when you're way up there. I'll miss you. I already do.

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2.

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I heard you might have met someone. I don't want to get too excited, but I can already smell the fresh air at the end of this lifeless tunnel. Please, be true. Please, be true. Fuck. I'm getting too excited.

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3.

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You're King of this story, baby, and we'll do it your way. When you say go, I'll go. When you say stop, I'll stop.

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4.

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I won't hold myself accountable for my reaction the next time you bring that up and tell me "then you wonder why". You fucking son of a bitch.

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5.

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Dear mom, dad, sis, bro, friends (the ones remaining and the ones gone):
Even if I make it out of this prison, I will never be the same. Stop telling me you miss the old Ivy. And you... "Ohhhh there's the 2014 Ivy!" What? Who was she? The one who kept silent and settled? The one who hadn't escaped, so she seemed happier in the comfort of the familiar space? I did this. I got out. I'm here now. It's costing me life. It's costing me time and energy. It's costing me sanity. It's costing me my human nature. It's costing me the ability to breathe! Don't tell me you miss the old me. She didn't know what was on the other side. If I make it out of this dungeon, this hell hole called an escape, I earned it! And it will have come at a price. And if I'm not the same, then so be it. Just... look at this. It's not pretty, huh? Yeah. Don't expect pretty. Expect whatever is left of me.

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6.

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So I like chins. How's that weirder than liking forheads? Lol we all got our secrets. Chins is not one of my secrets. I like something else and I'm not telling.

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Ah. This felt great. Now I can go to sleep.